Where is Sixth Apostle?

If I was a cartoonist, I'd draw some witty pictures. I'm not, so what's with his absence. I really don't approve of this silent treatment. What is he trying to say?

Empty Space

"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things." - Woody Allen

A bit of a melancholy day. The painful disengagement process from M. And a reminder that even dysfunctional relationships can fill up space in our lives. And then Mags leaves this week. Empty space does not seem to offer any creative possibilities for the 5M this particular evening. But we know that can change.

Life after Lavalife

So, Lavalife doesn't work. I think the CRTF team showed us that the options just weren't that great. (Although that Italian motorcycle guy in Toronto seemed quite charming.)
So, I picked a blue-collar worker in the "next person for 5M" poll. I recall reading in the paper last year that Ottawa's male government workers were among the most depressed group people in the country. Something about golden handcuffs and the guilt of knowingly wasting all our taxpayer dollars on circular activities that end up nowhere. I think the article went on to say that men in the trades are the happiest group of people.
Now, apparently male blue-collar workers make just as much as male white-collar workers in this country. I don't know the stats on this, but doesn't it seem like these blue-collar types: know how to laugh, have male friends that they do manly things with, tend to love their families, and understand responsibility.
Now, these artist/intellectual types, so many are pansy whiny, insecure, threatened by others, needing to perform one-up-manship. (Male ESI's excluded, you're an atypical bunch) And then, finally, because of their insecurity, ultimately unfaithful.
So: how about a smart, attractive, caring, fit, blue-collar worker, who will adore the 5M for all her intelligence, will be proud, and have time for her to do thesis stuff and general intellectual writing and whatnot because he's out camping with the guys, or playing soccer on Tuesdays? Or maybe fixing the car in the garage?
What about him?

Feminist Sensibilities and Yoga Booty Ballet

1) Feminist Sensibilities

5M tells us that M: "tolerated my feminist sensibilities, even if he didn't agree with them"

In 2005, what sort of man merely merely tolerates feminist sensibilities? Not a confident one, I'm thinking. An informed, confident man should be embracing feminist sensibilities. Freedom and equality and none of this crap about, "well, I wouldn't want a tiny little woman rescuing me from a burning building." You wouldn't, you imbecile? You'd not want a four and a half foot tall 92-year-old rescuing you either, but if I showed up and pulled you out, you'd be damn glad in the end, wouldn't you?

I came across a nice but longish definition of what feminism means to one woman the other day. If you can find anything in there that a person could rightly disagree with, I'd like to know what it is.

Perhaps M and 5M come into conflict on the objectifying women issue. Conchie brought it up the other day referring to the lcp's comments on women in their 20s. She told us: Feminist thought says this is simply the "but I'm the superior one here" types going down with a defiant struggle.

Maybe it would be easier if we chose sex partners the way we chose jobs, apartments or cars. You know, see what the options are, weigh the pluses and minuses, make an offer and see if it's accepted. But instead, there's all this compulsion and the smallest things release all these chemicals and hormones so that we're acting on instinct as much as anything. I have two scientist friends who've been married since 1983 and he says that what hooked him on her was the way the pink pockets on the back of her pants moved when she walked.

While "objectifying" eliminates all manner of qualities of a woman -- her mind, intellect, character, creativity, etc -- it's not all about creating inequality and limiting women's freedom.

2) Yoga Booty Ballet

In the past year or two, the Chair and I have observed that Yoga seems to be the in-exercise for women in Ottawa. Pilates is over. Kick-boxing peaked before it really caught on. Belly dancing got the feminist makeover five or ten years ago, but either Western women couldn't get the gyrations happening or they felt silly in those costumes, I don't know, but it didn't hit the big time.

In the winter, some of the celebrity women on talk shows had started talking about doing aerobic strip-tease. "It's not for the men, it's for us," they'd say, "although my husband does seem to really enjoy it." Several weeks ago, one of my friends happily told me that she and her roommate have started taking Strip -Toning lessons. They're thinking about installing a pole in the rec room to practice on.

(Being the cultural anthropologist that I am, I suggested I should observe a practice or two, but I have not yet gained the necessary trust and confidence of the study population. )

This morning I discovered that some exercise genius has combined yoga and strip tease -- Yoga Booty Ballet. I saw part of an infomercial for it this morning while I ate my breakfast. (I am not making this up.) They've got yoga moves, like upward-facing dog and downward-facing dog. And they've got some aerobic, shake your booty moves.

And they've got moves that combine the two.

One is called "upward-facing beetle". I tried to find a photo of it on Google image search, but I just don't have time to wade through that much porn this morning. It's like a combination of the upward and downward facing dog. Face and booty both up, knees slightly bent and then the pelvis is moved quickly up and down.

Which brings me to my conclusion: The issue of objectification is complicated for many of us men and I hope you women will from time to time cut us some slack.

Don't Worry, I know who I can count on

Hmm, 9 votes and only 6 ESIs on the internet this week. I'm going to assume that only one of my fellow ESIs would let me twist in the wind. And let's just say I've got a good idea of who that would be.

That individual might want to investigate Political Misery Syndrome.

And while I'm giving out links, like a straightforward blogger, here's one that is only for you Coyote. (Seriously folks, you don't want to click on that link.) Normally, I wouldn't give you any encouragement in this direction, but I feel it won't be likely to harm me as you're lying low, laughing in the grass as it were. (Isn't there some other animal known for hanging out in the grass?)

Saving the 5M from the lcp

Given the high drama of yesterday's events, as well as some ESI opposition to the lcp mini-series, a piece of the story has not been adequately analysed. Did M really try to "save" the 5M from the lcp? And, did M really directly say--"I seduced you because I wanted to save you from the lcp." If he did indeed say this, we're not seeing the kind of vitriolic anger that we should be, are we? I'd be sending the Dwarf and his merry band of thugs after anyone who said such a preposterous thing.
The 5M is now calling herself an "unreliable narrator", and we heartily approve of that feminist po-mo position. However, there is unreliability and then there's unreliability...

Edge

through prairie grasses
coyote's voice dances freely
a howl or a laugh?

Cover Blown at Spins'N'Needles

I'm sad to report that Aggie and I won't be able to do any more undercover fieldwork. Yes, the muse saw right through our disguises.

It started before I arrived with me asking a lass on the sidewalk fer the time. As she gave it to me, I realized, that's no lass, 'tis the wee she-demon! And she had a grin on her face that made me think she saw right through my disguise.

But alas, as I was working on some wee stars and Aggie was working on a collage of her trip to the Riviera, the 5M herself came along, gave us a picture she'd drawn and engaged us in conversation.

But you know, my mistake was wearing the wrong disguise. Rather than a dog costume, I should have worn my rabbi outfit.



We cleared up her confusion over the mistaken identification and had a fine little chat.

She went away for awhile and then came back to give us this note:



Not many men turn out to the Spins'n'Needles. Miss Grafton drew a picture of one. There was also a table full of men working through their issues by making collages in scrapbooks. Now I should probably have practised carving on whalebone because that's what a sailor does when he wants to turn his artistic side to the world, but I thought why not try out this collaging. Here's my effort at working through my issues.

When 5M finally left with fellow bloggers Minty and Lana, she gave us this parting message:

The LCP Poll

Does anyone remember the year Saturday Night had the phone in poll about the lobster? Phone one 900 number and the lobster would live, phone the other and it would die. The lobster lived.

A year later they did a similar vote. This time if the vote went one way, Andy Kaufman would never appear on SNL again, the other way, he would appear again. Andy lost. I paid fifty cents to vote against him because I thought that would be the funnier outcome. It was reported years later that Kaufman engineered the whole thing.

There hasn't been a lot of humour in the 5M's blog, but this new poll made me laugh out loud for a good while. It's a list of choices worthy of the Chair.

The Navy Guy

I'm assuming this is not the gay Navy guy (why am I thinking of the Village People?)
I did have a bit of a deja-vu reading the 5M's latest, but can't find her original post. I have to confess, the 5M's description of M's "consoling" shoulder pat put a lump in my throat.

Metablog to M: Renew your Passport

As we can see from this entirely scientological poll, the majority of responders want to see M sent far away.

The weakness of these polls is really illustrated in the "talk about him" or "don't talk him" choices. Are the "don't talk about him" people voting that way because they think it's the harsher punishment and he deserves it? because they think it's a softer punishment and maybe he'll pay for his conduct in other ways (if he's not been punished already)? or are they just sick of hearing and talking about M?

I could handle more M-talk, but frankly, I'm enjoying this lcp and Alpha A stuff we're getting more.

And Bob - what about Bob? We like him.

What happens with no kissing

This morning I read about the sixteen year old, who said she wouldn't kiss until she was married. By the way, her name was Bethany Patchin. She'd written this in a Christian magazine. The mag got 100 letters. A fellow contributor, Sam Torode, wrote a rebuttal, also published.

Referring to Patchin's desire to keep her bow tied, he wrote, "This sort of statement cannot help but drive young Christian men mad with desire. I can see the love letters pouring in now, from saps all over the country, proposing to poor Ms. Patchin. Never underestimate reverse psychology!"

He then quoted Flannery O'Connor: "She had never been kissed before and she was pleased to discover that it was an unexceptional experience and all a matter of the mind's control. Some people might enjoy drain water if they were told it was vodka."
I will have you know, within the year these two were married. Within one week of that, she was pregnant. And still only 19.

What now?

"What now?" the 5M asks. And so do I. Since my return from the Riviera, I have been suffering from an acute case of blog block.
She says she's "got us". I'm not sure what that means. I don't think she's got us anymore than we've got her.
Maybe we ESIs need to reconfigure ourselves as a breakup recovery team.

The Independent Observer's Summary from the past week

In the spirit of Agatha's update following the memorable Crisis Weekend, here's a precis of the last seven days:

1) After receiving the fateful e-mail, the 5M pored over the metablog last Monday morning. She seemed intrigued, flattered and, to her credit, only slightly defensive about the most critical comments. The Muse even suggested a meeting. The ESIs felt that was rushing things.

2) A meeting was convened to discuss the day's events. Coyote, 4th Dwarf, Conch Shell and the IO wished the Sixth Apostle a successful journey to the Vatican. It was noted that Agatha telegraphed a message from the Riviera inquiring about events.

3) The 5M continued to peruse the metablog archives and, understandably perhaps, felt the need to defend certain actions and comments. Much blogging ensued. But the tone was mutually respectful and at times playful (see the 6A's depiction of the 5M as a South Parkie).

4) A red flag went up for Conch Shell when the 5M mentioned she still loved M, sparking generous and fruitful discussion.

5) The 5M began engaging the ESIs not only through e-mails (how old are you guys? do you know me? were you the people in the back of the martini joint last night?), but by referring to the Elgin Streeters on her blog in a good-natured way and by posting directly to the metablog. Some of the 5M's regular posters and many of her lurkers (BlogAdmin figures about 100 people visit her site daily) stopped in to check out the metablog. Some posted, most just had a look and left.

6) In the midst of all this, 4th Dwarf took the wheel of the good ship ESI and reminded all of his preference for rough justice, while restraining his most piratical instincts -- so far. The one-legged scallywag also immediately brought a distinctive and (to my mind) most engaging nautical flair to the metablog visuals. What BlogAdmin will think of this I shudder to imagine.

7) The 5M turned the tables on the ESIs by commissioning her own poll (!) as to what she should write about in her blog. Thus, The True Eventual Story of the (l)ower (c)ase (p)oet began, and continues.

8) Our Muse also revealed that M had been in touch with the Trois-Rivieres chick, now known as J, against the 5M's wishes. Following a round of paw-pointing and much breathless banter among the ESIs, the 5M intervened to state that what really upset her was M had concealed from her these contacts (a phone call and some e-mails) with the 3R chick.

9) In other developments: the 5M has done some lava-dating, but now seems to be on hiatus; the Dude continues to hover platonically in the background; Minty is being her usual supportive self; the Muse has become more sensitive to the fact she is not so anonymous, hence the changes to her blog subtitle and declaration that it is all a work of fiction. Kind of like life, no?

A lot of crust

A theme! We coyotes like themes. They're something we can sink our fangs into. This one is about varieties of crust -- pizza and poetical.

I see that our Muse is a traditionalist in the way of yeast, using it as if it were live, rather than one of the quick varieties. I approve. Nuthin' like fresh yeasty pizza dough, straight outta the forno. We coyotes tend toward the home-ec-dropout, quick-rise cheat ourselves, but that's because if we don't have to punch it down, we don't get as many of those little dough balls stuck in our fur. As for toppings, I note that she leans heavily toward the vegetarian end of the scale, again with many traditional picks. I like bunnies, myself, but that's just me. It's really the crust, the sauce, and fresh ingredients that make a truly decent 'za, don'cha think?

The other variety of crust would be that depicted in the latest episode of the lcp story. Human politics often baffle me, but I will say this: the poet seems to have a talent for striking at a moment calculated to have the greatest effect on others. I'm not entirely sure if it's really subtle, or really blatant, but it's certainly well-practiced.

As for the eternal question of which type of crust is the cheesiest, well, that's why we have comment threads. Dig in!

Coming soon to Mags and Fags

Ouch

So we get to it, finally. M isn't asexual. Or gay. Just a rodent. I'm sad for you, Muse.

Certain guys of the male persuasion tend to think 'no harm, no foul' to themselves as long as there's no body contact below the belt. But our Muse is now experiencing, somewhat after the fact, the very concrete betrayal of an emotional affair -- unfortunately from the outside. Harm and foul.

M always kept one foot halfway out the door during the relationship. This J stuff was, in the rationalizing part of his mind, barely a foot-creep further. But for practical purposes, he was involved with someone else. And if he didn't tell ya about any of it, then in some more honest part of his mind, he knew he was in the wrong. I'm not going to go into any more about emotional affairs, because the information is out there already. Even Ann Landers and Dear Abby write about it.

What M does or says at this point, or any future one, is now immaterial. He's shafted the Muse. (And she's doubtless thinking "Duhhhh!" to herself at this point in the narrative...) Interestingly, her posts have shown a half-awareness, all along, that M has not been there for her. That awareness only started becoming conscious a couple of months back.

The Muse's next move may be to wonder whether she herself was passive-aggressively manipulated into pulling the plug, made to do the work so that M didn't have to emotionally dirty his hands. Which would pretty much follow the pattern of the entire relationship. The next after that may be be to wonder if M. has had even more contact with J than he has so far admitted, and is hoping to use the old "she dumped me" gambit to get reinvolved with her.

I'm gonna suggest not descending into that particular endless circle of hell... In my pungeant (stolen) phrase of a coupla days back, 'that way lies rump of skunk and madness'.

To the Muse, I'd say, forget him now. Do what you need to heal. Make sure it is about you, and not about M. Get on with the business of getting past him and whatever he's done or is doing, and seeing to your self. If that involves feeling crappy for awhile, do it. But don't get stuck there. See friends. Move on. You've got a life.

Who is Watching the Watchers?

Say, Metabloggers, remember earlier in the summer when we'd go a week between 5M postings, so we'd riff on aluminum foil hats and translating things into unreadable dialects?

The Wee She-Demon is keeping us busy now. Where to start?

The Martini Bar
Were we the litter of kittens at the martini bar? 20-somethings? I'm afraid Conchie made me promise that I'd not get into a 20-questions game with the 5M.

It can't feel good to always be wondering if that person over there is an ESI or that gang over there is alll of us. On the other hand, before we revealed ourselves, there were already 150 or more people reading 5M's blog every day. Some of them must be visiting places she's known to frequent and have a good idea of what she looks like.

The True Eventual Story of the (l)ower (c)ase (p)oet
An excellent opening. Lots of drama with the fiance bit.

More Misconceptions

1. Latest A = Original P, ≠ Icy-Eyed Runner P, excellent. But it never bothered me anyway.

2. I wonder why 5M would think the Chair thought she was creepy. I have trouble remembering his formula for older women and younger men. Oh yes, 0.75 times her age plus 3. Has the 5M been in a relationship with a 26-year-old? That would make the relationship creepy to the Chair. For me, as long as the woman is hot, I don't think it's creepy. But let's not have this discussion here. The Chair has a perfectly good place for it. It's too bad the Chair is off getting re-caned or we could ask him. I'm pretty sure he's never thought 5M is creepy. He'd have mentioned it to me if he did.

3. We really like Bob and Minty, but I think we've seen some evidence that not all 5M's readers would meet her criteria for good and decent.

4. We missed a reference!! You see this is what happens when there are multiple postings and people are taking trips to the Vatican and the Riviera! (Research Department, can you get to the bottom of this?)

5. The line about Abhoria advising us to be more self-revelatory in the interests of a richer narrative made me laugh. Score another one for the wee she-demon.

The New Blogger Button
Have you noticed our blog and 5M's blog has a new button at the top "Flag". Is it a coincidence that I didn't notice it before she gave us the "I love my cunt" quote?

And More
News of Maggie the Giant Cat and pictures. Including an image of her! Honestly, Aggie can't get back to soon to please me. I'd even be glad to see Siren.

Blog-iverse to ESIs: Get a Life

5M comes out swingin' at the ESI's

Well, I'm glad she's defending herself. It's about time, 5M.

The coyote chronicles

So I've been sniffing about the hideously-named blogiverse these past couple of days, finding much new stuff. (I'm a very curious coyote. Apparently with waaaay too much time on my paws...) Some of it was laid open to me by Occidental Girl, who until now has been a lurker on the Muse's site. (I've already admitted elsewhere that I'm not a techie coyote -- comes of being a prehistoric/mythical/animistic kinda canine -- but you can look her up over there.) Glad ya came out, by the way, OG -- from the Occidental Tourist, you seem like a nice virtual person, and you in turn have sent me trotting by Snowball in Hell. Who also seems like a nice virtual person, by 'virtue' of posting a really good recipe for stovetop chocolate oatmeal cookies.

Dear me. One paragraph and I'm already digressing. Assuming I even started with the intended topic. It's that damned doggy attention span... and we won't even go into the whole gratuitous use of parentheses thing.

Oh yeah, I remember now. Also in my recent travels, I came across this BBC interview with the gentleman who built the world's first web page, dog's years ago. He mentions how gratified he is that blogging seems to be enabling new forms of literate creativity. This interests me, because we purport to run a creative (meta)blog here. Well, at least a little outside of the norm, anyway.

Our Muse so far has proved receptive to the week's revelations. I like to think that this shows a certain flexibility on her part. Others have wondered about 'creepy'. Still others have wondered whether this blog's time is now over. To them, I'd have to say that to our own certain knowledge we've jumped the shark at least three times already. Wearing the full Brylcreem, leather jacket and water skis ensemble. Yoohoo! Still here! We honestly don't know what happens next, either.

But I think that what I want to underline here is that blogging is a creative medium. Creative. Not destructive. In fact, we practice a certain respect. It's certainly a long shot from anything like reverence or utter seriousness, but it is respect nonetheless. So, when some of ya need remindin' of your manners from what certain of my cowboy, ummm, acquaintances call a no-good, low-down, belly-crawlin' coyote, well, look in the mirror and draw your own conclusions. Or a really ridiculous magic marker moustache.

How's it goin', "A"?

Now I'm confused. This is not the same "A" she was talking about a couple of weeks ago. And I can't seem to link him to the other cast members. Help me out ESI'ers.


Good to see she's getting the support she needs.

Kens wanting Barbies

A while ago you also said you want a man who has never been married and has no kids. I'd say you better be looking for a man who's a lot younger than you.
I'd say a man your age who wants a nice committed relationship, AND has never been married or had kids, doesn't exist.

This is a recent comment from Ken on 5M's site. Okay, nice of him to try some advice, I suppose. But this is either a conceited and stupid man in his 20s, or he's mean. What's the average age of first marriage these days? 34.3 for men, 31.7 for women (Stats Can, 2000). Given that lots of people (presumably like Ken) get married first time in their early 20s, lots do it in their 40s too. And generally, not to virgins.
Now, I think going the cougar route is a bad idea. I know, this isn't necessarily the standard feminist viewpoint, and I used to argue: right on girlfriend. But personally, I think it makes a woman feel older to hang out with men who are younger (and typically wanting even younger women than themselves). And if babies are the agenda, these younger guys just waste time and lo-and-behold -- as unfair as it is that the biological clock ticks despite ourselves -- it becomes too late. (China excluded -- cute little backup plans provided you got an extra $30,000).
One other comment, Dude is coming through for 5M. She can be honest with him (given how he's written off as inappropriate), and he in return can say what he's thinking.

Heisenberg Directive Revoked

Regular readers might be interested in noting that the answer to the third question on the answers page has been revised.

And so far, she seems to be okay with what's here.

It's funny how often we hear that we have too much time on our hands. But then more than one person who has said that has become a frequent contributor.

Since she linked to us, I suppose we could spell out what 5M stands for, but I'm just too used to typing the two characters.

Anyway, it is good to hear that she is taking down the Elphin posting. I hope she eventually gets to the comments we've exchanged on the dangers of talking about the K-witch.

Ahh, the ironies of life

It looks like M has come under the spell of Saint Agnes the Chaste.

I'll leave it to the rest of you to provide any further comments on this observation of M's guilt-based obsession with the Virgin of Trois Rivieres. (Ooo..I just had a chill. Do I sense a new beatification coming from la belle province?)

Chick Flicks and Swift Kicks Beat Dude Licks

Going Back to the Elphin

I've been thinking about 5M's Elphin posting now and then since she posted it the other morning. It bugs me.

Ex Maleficio asked: "Why does she seem to have such a need to malign people?"

And the Elphin posting begs that question more than most of her postings have. Much of her criticism of the supers are cheap shots on the way they look, dress and celebrate holidays.

If these people are not as bad as 5M makes them out to be, I feel badly for them. If they are as bad, I feel badly for 5M that she has given them ammunition to use against her.

5M says she is "a nice girl" and has complained more than once that M didn't compliment her for being a "nice person".

I'm not a big fan of "nice". It has connotations of blandness and accepting situations that one shouldn't have to accept.

But this posting goes beyond "not nice" into "down right nasty".

I used to have a friend, Pixie, who seemed nice when around people, but when you were alone with her, she would share all sorts of uncomplimentary things about these other people. It was entertaining for a while, but then I thought, "what does she say about me when she's with other people?" I'm glad Pixie didn't have a blog and I don't know.

Another thing I wondered was, if Pixie thinks so many negative things about other people, is she thinking that we're all having these sorts of thoughts about her? And I believe she was thinking that. Because she saw malice towards her when I'm sure there was nothing more than thoughtlessness, or even a misplaced effort at being nice.

Okay, kitties it is, then

Our speculations about what the Muse most needs at this time in her life have been answered in today's post. She is now the proud foster parent of Maggie, a , quote, 'giant cat'. Okay, giant kitties it is, then. I approve. Oily snakes are not what she needs. Kitties, on on the other hand, are good for all sorts of ailments of the spirit. I imagine that large economy size kitties are that much more effective. But then, I merely may have been swayed by watching way too much television advertising. Not my fault. I misunderstood when they said TVs came with rabbit ears. I'm just not always a very tech-savy coyote, I'm afraid....

Lets hope someone doesn't Google Kuz'n..witch

Once again, the 5M flirts with potential litigious-provoking language in her review of life in her old apartment.

UPDATE 2005.08.16: The litigious elements of the 5M post were subsequently retracted.

Meech Lake with the Dude

My apologies, fellow meta-bloggers, but I'm changing my tune here. I think it's ok for the 5M to hang out with the Dude for a little while. I'm thinking a little Dude-action would not hurt and might be a good antidote to what she's been dealing with.
Sometimes the situation calls for hanging out with a silver-tongued devil with six offspring. This may be one of those situations.

Good Old Minty

You have to like that Minty. She fosters kittens. She makes useful and attractive things from fabric. She plays the bass viol. She has coffee with our muse when 5M is miserable.

She may not be perfect. Our field operatives have reported that she's not exactly generous with her expensive quilting thread, but I think she's shy. She may be a public figure with her blog, but she's a private person. Unlike 5M, she reveals very little of her personal life.

Lately I'm concerned about her. There are hints that she's been in a slump:

• She didn't do a "music Monday" post either this week or last.
• "A bit of a sick day" last Wednesday.
• A list of things that "brighten her day" on Tuesday that makes you feel she's reviewing the list because she needs to relieve some darkness.
• Her Monday post was titled "and i don’t really know what i’m doing this for".
• She's been going through old letters, selling a quilt she loves, listening to Ella Fitzgerald.

I hope she's also got someone to have a coffee with.

Should 5M Stop Doing Yoga?

We're all aware of some of the possible dangers from Yoga (Aggie's illustration), but what about this news:

Norwegian prison stops giving yoga sessions after inmates become aggressive
...Some inmates became more agitated and aggressive, while others developed sleeping problems as a result of the yoga sessions, prison warden Sigbjoern Hagen told newspaper Ringerikes Blad. ... [link]

Crude Dude is a dead ender

A refreshing roll in the mud and a nap in the cattails has allowed the scene to play out. I'm glad she's come to the conclusion she has. It's not quite axiomatic that guys figure that seduction is all about technique, but it's close. And it's almost axiomatic, too, how many guys figure that plodding down the well-worn rut (described in such *%@?!#&$!! vehement detail by Siren) of 'misunderstood by my real girlfriend but we're gettin' drunk here and, oh, by the way I give great head' is the key to Nirvana. I digress. Yet again.

Point is, while our Muse may be blinkered about the subtler emotional and psychological side-effects of a year-long interlude in dysfunction, Crude Dude's proposal was easy to read.

After the gin, tequila and the reactive neurotoxins of the inevitable fuzzy-headed aftermath (Wasn't that a party...?) wore off, she started thinking again. Often, I think she thinks waaaaay too much. But full credit here: she reached the necessary conclusion. And it didn't take no damn year, either. Good girl.

I'd say her head's screwed on straight here, but given recent days' posts, that could lead to all kinds of unfortunate misinterpretation.

While sex may be a longed-for divertissement, she has correctly concluded that sex under just any ol' circumstance isn't healthy for her spirit. Dude is a deadender. She's got a good goal, and for her -- and most other people -- it's the long term emotional support that becomes the most important part of a relationship. But, as she just lately discovered with M, it's not the only part. Whatever the asexual network thinks.

She's seen the two extremes. Now she needs to find a satisfactory middle path. At the risk of stepping outside of my usual metaphysical oeuvre, I'm gonna get all Zen, and suggest that many of us find what we desire most when we relax and stop looking for it.

Where is the 5M's Head?

I'm more than a little concerned about the 5M's interest in the Dude. True, he is virile. He has managed to sire 6 children. Good for him. However, who in his/her right mind would produce 6 children these days?
My concern is not so much with the Dude's sperm count as with the way the Dude is talking to the 5M. True, the 5M is desperate. And desperation breeds bad choices. Is the 5M really "open" to this particular possibility? We all can see why the 5M might find this heady conversation so refreshing after dealing with Mr. Asexual for so long. But, this Dude is a pervert, a weirdo and a freak.
I suspect this dirty talk went down at a nasty little cougar den called the Crab Shack. A good place to pick up crabs.

This weeks poll results

What do you want more of in the ESI polls:


Click photo to enlarge

Martinis with Dude

There is a happy skip to our 5M's steps I think, even though she laments having all that energy with M go to nothing.
Glad to see this determination in her. And I think, perhaps, that all the complimenting admirers on her site are giving her a little lift.
I think M had been draining her creativity. Here's to the return of a rejuvenated 5M.

I Was Wondering When We'd Get to Chocolate

Ice Cream, by Sarah M. from the disc "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy."

Verse-2][C]Your [D]love is [Em]better than [C]chocolate[Am7]Better than [D]anything [Em7/B]else that I've [Am7]tried.[C]Oh, [D]love is [Em]better than [C]chocolate.[Am7]Everyone here [D]knows how to [C]cry[Am7].*

*So well-put, by Sarah McLachlan, don't you think? Original lyrics and music by S.M., above chords just an amateur's interpretation off the disc.

As a form of therapy, chocolate indulgence is not unknown. I highly approve of 5m's latest move towards independence through M&M's. Be that by eating them, making poetry over them, or whatever other creative little thing she may discover to do with the little devils. Devils? As in in Devil's Food Cake? But I digress. Coyote may comment with a trail of drool, at this point.

And, though Sarah sings that love is better than chocolate, I know many who'd disagree. In fact, there are those, dare I say, who prefer chocolate over love, hands down, no contest, wins every time.

Still, for the rest of us who value love, do you not agree that in the absence of same, why not indulge in chocolate?

To that end, and in the further interest of helping 5m develop non-destructive habits of coping/recovering from disastrous love, here's an offering:

Better Than Sex Cake

6oz. semisweet choc. chips
3/4 C. chopped pecans
1 box chocolate cake mix
4 eggs
1/2 C. oil
1 tsp. vanilla
1 package instant choc. pudding mix
1-8-oz container sour cream (full fat please)

Toss chips and nuts in 1T. of dry cake mix. Beat everything else together for 3 minutes. Fold in chips and nuts. Pour into greased Bundt pan, bake 50 mins. at 350 degrees F. Allow to cool, and try not to eat the whole thing at once.

I think she's making progress! On that question, what are the thoughts on hobbies, substitutes (like chocolate), friends, work, exercise or any other life-affirming habit as a way of helping one through love/romance crises?

But does chocolate, et al, really work? In the end, is it just another way of diverting oneself from the pain? Or does it help one move forward? Will it help 5m?

La plus ca change...

It’s nice to be back after a weekend spiritual retreat. Nothing cleanses the soul like a weekend filled with Gospel music and the company of good friends, though my back is a bit sore, as the accommodation was a tad modest. But I’ll not be a martyr about it.

Well, Garbo finally talks. Coyote’s choice of the word epiphany is apt. There are various theories about the origin of the Epiphany. The common theory states that the Epiphany is simply the lag between Christ’s birth and word getting to the Magi as recognized on January 6th. Other theories note that since the heathens celebrated the winter solstice around the date of December 25th, the fathers of the church moved the birth of Jesus from it’s original January 6th date to over-ride the heathen celebration and move more souls to conversion. Either theory embraces the notion of realization or creation of a new reality and the subsequent reaction to that reality.

Now, let us turn to our muse.


What is her new realization? What is her new reality? I have not seen any changes to her pattern of behaviour. She may very well entertain the notion of dating other men, but I wonder how this is any different than the diversions of the flesh she has done in the past, as she considers meandering her way through the Lavalife alphabet or entertaining other suitors. Has she truly decided to leave M behind and break off everything with him, including a platonic friendship? One would think that is the only way true change will happen for her. It will not succeed if next December we find her, once again, standing at the lip of Stonehenge trying to find M’s light to shine on her.

...which means she's in love with us?