Kellie Leitch's Bold New Statement: Chapter 11

Been *busy* since that election... okay?

An End to Fear, Loathing, And All That...?

What a hell of an election campaign. Bearing down hard on the "hell".

Despite the fact that we semimythical coyotes watched our 6,000th birthday skitter away on the slipstream in the rearview awhile back, and thus have an, ummm, elastic take on time and reality, we're glad the rotten neverending thing is near barbecued. And if common wisdom says HarperCo counts on voter disengagement to haywire together an ill-earned plurality in parliament, most of the late signs look good for the rest of us.

But there's no denying that I'll feel more secure if we can slog ghrough Monday without those last poll figures upending, or rampant yet strangely untraceable dirty tricks arising, or in the aftermath, some evilly twisted, desperate attempt at a constitution- and/or convention-flouting end-run occurs. You know, to hang onto the keys to the PMO far longer than is seemly or legal, because Canada was supposed to be locked in as a Conservative satrap, and losing now would obviously mean The End Times.

Oh. And it'd be nice to see notarized witness statements attesting that a wood tent peg has been hammered through whatever passes for a certain rat-bastard heart. Without those, we who do not share whatever passes for Conservative "values" these days are gonna need a vintage red convertible trunkload of booze and random hallucinogenics -- including the ether -- to claw our way through the next four years. Because it has transpired that the soon-to-be-ex PM has an even more startlingly irresponsible take on, ummm, reality than I...

That I even consider any the above might come to pass disturbs me profoundly. Well, except for the private polling firm screwup scenario. Enough thinly-veiled partisan upstarts now exploit that loophole in the telecommunications legislation that the Coyotephone's call display started smokin' from overuse weeks ago. The pollsters can be wrong any way they like, as long as it doesn't get the Cons another majority. Then they can go back to the ring of hell (heh...) reserved especially for all telemarketers and phone solicitors.

I digress. It's an old habit. Cut me a little slack! At the moment, the sweet smell of blessed change seems to be starting to dispel the black, sulfurous reek of flopsweat, desperation and despair billowing from the Tory war room's smokestacks. And since I've become well-practiced during most of the last decade, I'm pretty sure I can hold my doggy nose long enough to suck in purer air sometime real soon.

Now, for crissakes: Dunno if all those big black flittering nightmares swirling round the Peace Tower are flying monkeys or just big freakin' bats -- but help me whack 'em away before I hafta scream...

On the Heartburn Campaign Trail...

Day four of former Prime Ministerial Chief of Staff Nigel Wright's testimony at the Senator Mike Duffy Trial:

...and yes, that is Comic Sans in the caption. He deserves it.

Maybe not what they meant by "Tory attack ad". . .

Breaking (pelvis) news...

It has come to our attention that while the Short Guy was obsessing about certain junior priests in New Brunswick -- and oh, how the mighty have fallen, although I think he's lost weight so maybe rehab helped somewhat -- our Chief Magistrate here in Ottawa was out getting wrecked during a driving lesson on a snowtercycle. In Osgoode, no less.

Sounds like he's out for the next four to six weeks, which as we all know, is an eternity in the dog-eat-dog world of municipal politics. Given the nature of the injury, he's probably in a certain amount of pain also, which is never a good thing.

Now, us coyotes generally disapprove of snowtercycles, especially in Osgoode. Guys out there, under the highly mistaken impression that we may have formed some sorta unsavoury intent toward their pet cats, chase us and try to mow us down with 'em. (Which when ya think about it, is pretty unsavoury in its own right. Unlike delicious, delicous cats. Ummmm. Perhaps I digress a digression too far...?)

Errr, anyway. Despite our distaste for the vehicle of his misfortune, we of the Irregulars who still keep a paw in this blog ancienne wish Mayor Watson a speedy recovery.

We even have suggestions about how he might quicken his return to public life. Although, given the deep cold which has for some weeks settled over the city and made life a trial for those uncharmed by record-length skating on the Rideau Canal, we hope his accident did not leave him any kind of post-traumatic aversion to vehicles equipped with snowmobile tracks... dogspeed on your journey to wellness, sir!

When bodies fall under the bus...

Gentle Reader: A smackeral of matriarchal advice from my wise ol' Gramma Coyote:

"After vast quantities of bodies have been hoofed under a particular bus, it is most instructive to closely watch who's driving, rather than the calculated sideshow that the wheels clobber. That is where the critter who has most to gain generally sits. So where the answers most likely are."

Just sayin'...

A vexing vortex

This test, passed to me by The Sage Scribe, is very brief with only one question. But it's a very important one, especially considering the news of the past month. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please read slowly and give due consideration to each line.

THE SITUATION:

You are in Ottawa. There is chaos all around you caused by a huge mid-December storm with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photo-journalist working for a major Canadian newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing into the water of the Ottawa River. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

THE TEST:

Suddenly, you see four men in the water. They are fighting for their lives, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer ... Somehow, the men look familiar ...

You suddenly realize who they are ... It's Stephen Harper, Stephane Dion, Jack Layton, and Gilles Duceppe!

You notice that the raging waters are about to take them under forever. You have two options: You can save lives or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of the country's most powerful men at possibly one of Canada's most important historical moments!

THE QUESTION:

Here's the question, and please give an honest answer ...

Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?