Hot Bikini Babes - Emergency Meeting Minutes

Location / Date: Usual Spot, Friday March 21 2008
Members In Attendance (and on-time): 4th Dwarf, Coyote, Agatha, the Chair
Member arriving late in their usual passive-aggressive manner: Conch Shell
Member absent for semi-legitimate reasons: Independent Observer
Guests: Audrey, Harmony

Meeting began. First item of order: delegation of the taking of the minutes. Aggie nominated the Chair to take minutes. Seconded by Dwarfie. Reluctantly accepted by the Chair.

Before going into formalities, those present congratulated Coyote on surviving to see another annual milestone in Bytown’s less-than-hospitable urban setting for creative canines – Doug Thompson be damned. Beverages were raised. Yellow snow was made.

Item 2: Whither the Blog – Kitty Blogging

A point was raised regarding the prevalence of pussies felines in the blog of late. This has raised some concern for some of the members and regular readers of the blog. Some felt the ESIs were selling out to the popularity of cats in the blogosphere while others wanted more focus on politically incorrect Chinese food recipes. [Redacted] noted that she has cat allergies and couldn’t read such postings without her Epi-pin at hand. It was further noted that those wannabes down the road were going all porno on their parodies of this topic and it could marginalize our readership. It was agreed that we would poll the readership before implementing any censorship.

Item 3: Dwarfie’s Crushes – Cute or Creepy?

Dwarfie’s latest escapade in provoking potential restraining orders against the ESIs from Ottawa’s Blogtown Babe Community was discussed. A quick vote came down to a split decision on whether this is cute or creepy. “It’s not like I’m stalking!” said the Dwarf. Aggie shuddered. All agreed that we would let things continue as they are, but that [redacted] was in the best position to veto this behaviour.

Item 4a: Who is the CBC commenter with no sense of humour?

The Chair opined that it would be a shorter list if we asked the opposite question and subsequently threw out the name Alan Neal (just to see if he actually reads this blog). Others suggested [redacted]. Some clues suggest that it could be coming from subversive elements associated with the readership of Aggie’s blog. CSIS would be contacted for assistance.

Item 4b: Who is the 7th Heathen

All agreed it was most likely [redacted]. Our message to 7th Heathen: keep it up. We know who you are, and we know where you live.

Item 5: deferred until our special guest arrived

Item 6: Report from the Italian bureau

Audrey updated us on developments overseas. All is well as she and the IO manage furniture and decorating details. The Chair was impressed with their choice of furniture and recognized one of his relatives in the Ottoman section of the catalogue. 4D asked if the apartment had yet been “baptized, if you know what I mean ?” Aggie shuddered.

[in camera]

[out camera]

Item 7: How to bring down Mayor Lex Luthor and become famous in the process

Most agreed he doesn’t need anyone’s assistance on this front, as he and his staff were doing an admirable job on their own. [Redacted] mused whether we would be seeing a wind-tax or a “cloudy-with-a-chance-for-a-shower” tax in next year’s budget. Rehabilitating him was considered the better option to pursue. “It would be very zen-like,” said Aggie. “Everyone loves a redemption story,” said the Chair. The Chair then recounted a story about how his mother used to respond to obscene phone-callers in the days before call display. “Why are you doing this? You need help…” she’d tell them. Dwarfie laughed, albeit a little too knowingly by the Chair’s take.

The discussion moved onto strategies for elevating the Mayor’s cred. Dwarfie offered to continue to post about other bad public figures. Another idea included bringing down his opponents. Conch Shell was immediately tasked with creating a detailed list of Mayor Lex’s opponents and was subsequently going to make an ATI request to the Census Bureau.

Item 8: Making Woodsy a full fledged ESI

Aggie said it would be a good idea seeing that Woodsy has provided more content than some of the current ESI members. At this point, Conch Shell and the Chair looked at each other with shame, both knowing that such a passive-aggressive comment in their presence would only contribute to their further marginalization from the blog and countless hours of therapy as they fight their sense of self-worth in a publish-or-perish world of two-bit hacks... oh fuck-off!!!

Audrey, speaking on behalf of the non-member ESIs present, noted that perhaps Woodsy wasn’t the “cliquey” type personality that the Irregulars seem to emulate with such fervour. The ESIs present unanimously agreed that Woodsy was welcome to join their “clique”, allowing Woodsy to be part of a group that would snub all others and have dates for the prom and daddy’s car…

Item 9: Jesus

All made a nod to the big-J, on a day that wasn’t so good for him, even though it’s called Good Friday. The Chair noted that it was such an ironic use of adjectives in the Catholic Church that probably contributed to his lapse in faith and why he always gets the giggles when he visits the Stations of the Cross.

Item 10: Other business

Dwarfie shared some blog statistics with the members. His chart suggests that blogging about hair and/or Kady O’Malley seems to draw in the readers -- as does having provocative words in our posting titles. Aggie confessed she deliberately chose her title to up our hit count in her last posting. The Chair noted this phenomenon and duly changed the title for the Emergency Meeting minutes.

Someone raised the issue of the ESI position on Clinton vs. Obama. The ESIs did not take a political stand except to state that either would be welcome to do a guest blog. Details were going to be discussed with Zoom on setting up an eBay invite to candidates.

All other matters having been considered, the formal part of the meeting was adjourned with the arrival of Woodsy and the ESIs' special guest – Zoom.

Item 5: Special Presentation to Zoom

Zoom arrived and exclaimed, “So, you’re all real!" That said, all engaged in further discussion on the events of our times over a few cold beverages. I’m sure Zoom will give you all the details.


Aggie said...

Zoom looks like a rockstar in this photo!

Woodsy said...

Woodsy responds:

Item 3: Dwarfie’s Crushes – Cute or Creepy?

His crushes are very cute. Woodsy also has a crush on Kady, but not on Tiana.

Item 8: Making Woodsy a full fledged ESI

Thank you! Woodsy is honoured to be invited to join such a legendary gang of self-referential wanking misfits. Audrey you are right, I am not cliquey. Sweet little me is just power-hungry! (Oh, what could that mean?)

Anonymous said...

I'd like an invite to your next meeting! It's waaay overdue.


4th Dwarf said...

Oh, Musie, just when we'd calmed Coyote down about Doug Thompson hunting him and his cousins like rats you've gone and scared him again.

But we'll put this on the agenda for the next emergency meeting.

coyote said...

Woops! Gotta go! I think I hear that nice Mr. Heisenberg calling...