Ottawa Transit: Straight to Plan F
posted by coyote
I see we're trying to roll out yet another Plan B on the Transit Plan thing - again. This time, $7.2 billion buys the city a couple of rail lines that don't get where a lot of transit users want to to go, And! A! Light! Rail! Tunnel! Downtown!
Hey! The times cry for boldness! Does a real city need to dig some crappy rail tunnel? They're so 19th century, and our visionary mayor is really a 20th century kinda guy. Heh. I know we've we've suggested a few Plan Bs ourselves, but now I think Ottawa just needs to leapfrog straight over all that dithering, and skip straight to the big enchilada: Plan F!
Hear me out. I've been looking into motorized para gliders, and $7,200 buys a nice one, with bulk discounts. More than adequate. Our budget buys a million of 'em. Do it! Lend them out for a minimal fee to everyone who needs to use one, just like those communal bicycles in Paris and Amsterdam. Cutting edge thinking. No need to dig a tunnel. No more buses clogging the streets. We put all that free wasted airspace to use. Utopia! Well, except for the pigeons.
Our mayor is obviously big on the cult of the amateur. He applauds when the city fires those elitist managers. He's proved willing to pitch in micromanage things himself. And since being elected, he's more than fulfilled his ripe early promise as an ultimate amateur. So I think he'll agree when I say that although these things technically fly, we don't need no stinkin' pilot licence requirements. Anybody with a toonie or so should be able to use 'em. And to show my faith in him, I think he should be the first to test the system. Do we need Plan F right this minute, or what?
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6 comments:
I can see the headline now: SWAN DIVE ... Soggy, wayward-gliding mayor nurses bruises inflicted by angry birds; City failure to fund new swan house blamed
Ya gotta love them swans... posh Brit accents & all.
Paragliders are okay, but I'd rather have a jet packs.
Shorty, Shorty, Shorty. Where's your fiscal responsibility? Economy's all gone to hell, and those things are expensive! Although I like that they're prone to accidentally blow up. More, ummm, bang for your buck.
Prone to accidentally blow up? That's just one of those lies the paving companies spread to keep us stuck on the ground.
And jet packs will be much less expensive when they're made in bulk.
Uh huh. Knock youself out, dudelet. But before you do, please tell me you'll try to talk His Nibs into wearing one...
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