Hand Kissing

Last Spring, I was kissed on the hand by three different men - a family friend, a taxi driver, and the doorman at a tavern all within a week of each other.

I was surprised by these unsolicited kisses, and I wondered if hand kissing was back in style. Why had no-one warned me?

I mentioned these incidents to the Word Wizard, who seems to know something about every topic. He quickly responded with questions, "Did you offer your hand to be kissed? Did they touch their lips to your hand?"

No, I had not offered my hand to be kissed, and in all three instances I was tricked into receiving the kiss. And, yes, all three had touched their slobbery lips to the back of my hand.

I have since become a little wiser about hand-kissing, and so, gentlemen, if you want to kiss my tiny tender nymph hand

  • I must be the one who initiates the gesture by offering you my hand palm down;
  • I must know you;
  • You must be of equal or higher mythological standing than I am;
  • You must slip your fingers under the palm of my hand and gently rest your thumb on my knuckles;
  • You may either quietly air kiss the back of my proffered hand, or kiss your thumb;
  • You must kneel at my feet as you kiss my hand to show that you are in awe of my charms, and
  • be forewarned that, according to W.J. Bethancourt III, should you offer an unsolicited kiss I am in my right to eviscerate you on the spot!


Aggie said...

Thank you! This needed to be written. Finally, so hand kissing protocol!

skylark said...

You may have just provided a solution for the 85 year old father of a friend of mine who is awaiting a proctocolectomy. His surgery keeps getting rescheduled. I'm sure if he knew he could be eviscerated on the spot by a wood nymph, he surely would choose that option. I wonder if it could be claimed under OHIP.

xup said...

You forgot to mention one should always ask a lady where her hand has last been before kissing it

Harmony said...

Woodsy, can't wait to see that evisceration!

Woodsy said...

Aggie, you are most welcome!

Skylark, being that he is 85, I suspect that he knows how to be a gentleman. I'm afraid he will have to rely on his surgeon... but do tell him a little wood nymph is rooting for him.

XUP, wood nymphs only put their hands and fingers in pleasant places...

Harmony, do you have someone specific in mind?

Anonymous said...

wow! evisceration huh?

someone kissed the inside of my wrist once, I nearly swooned...