A modest proposal

This has been the winter of my discontent. Apparently, I'm not alone in this feeling. But it's not just winter. At our last emergency meeting the Irregulars voted to support Larry O'Brien in the belief that this will be good for our karma. Would it be bad karma to point out that there was vociferous undocumented dissent during that debate -- namely, mine?

But noooo. Everybody ignores the damn doggie. And now look at us. Having huge amounts of trouble figuring out what the hell the guy is good for, so we can 'support' him without messing up our already-tottery karmic imbalance even further. And we're not the only ones.

Yet, strangely, I believe I have found a solution that may be able to satisfy us all, the fluffy-bunny supportive types, as well as (ahem) any semimythical totemic animistic sorts who hearken back to older, possibly harsher spiritual systems. (I have to say that considering that Easter originally celebrated nailing a guy to a board, and these days is an excuse for rendering joltingly-gratuitous violence unto Marshmallow PEEPs®, any claims that my roots are uncivilized and backward seem a tad blinkered.)

When I took the problem to a longtime semimythical totemic animistic friend of mine from my old stomping grounds back west, he went straight to the nut: "You're looking for a use for this guy so you can support him in good conscience, right? And winter's been going on way too long, right? So multitask. Make him a human sacrifice to the spirit of winter, so it'll screw off and let spring back in. And the bonfire warms everybody up in the meantime."

Is this guy good or what?