Emergency Meeting Minutes: 2007-11-09 Part 1 - Meta Contest Winner!

Venue: The Usual Spot
On Time: Fourth Dwarf, Coyote, Agatha
Late: Conch Shell, the Chair
Absent with notice: Independent Observer
Emergency: Meta-Contest and Terms of Reference for Consultancy
Called by: Agatha
Minutes by: 4D

5:19pm: Coyote suggests that we have quorum and can begin the meeting. 4D insists we wait until 5:30, the time that Aggie chose to begin.

5:30pm: Aggie calls the meeting to order. Coyote unwraps Woodsy's bribe. Aggie asks how we should divide it. 4D suggests each present takes one of the 3 Lindts, one of the 3 Ferrero-Rochers, and we divide the Toblerone between us. Aggie asks if perhaps we might have preferences, so that each of us could take a different brand. 4D shrugs. "Okay. I want this one," he says, reaching for the Lindt. "Me too," says Coyote, placing his own paw firmly on the Lindt so that 4D cannot take it. "Okay. We'll divide it," says Aggie.

4D begins reviewing contest entries; restarts when Conch Shell arrives; then restarts all over again when the Chair arrives. All present reflect carefully on each entry.

Urban Pedestrian: one of Aggie's home-made muumuus

4D notes that UP, with four entries, should be recognized for her frequent participation in our blog comments. But for this prize, all look to Aggie.

"Too much work," she says.

Woodsy: the t-shirt with "Rock on" and "Anyhoo" (very tight slinky number (size petite), not one of those baggy, oversize thingies that Dwarfie wears.)

4D is feeling kindly disposed to Woodsy because the Lindt white chocolate ball he consumed tasted great. Aggie is similarly kindly disposed.
Coyote notes that he has ethical issues to raise regarding the bribe: "In future, I'd like to see a lot more chocolate - and of higher quality."
4D notes a problem with Woodsy's prize suggestion. She wants the t-shirt with "Rock on" and "Anyhoo", yet she wants it to be a tight slinky (size petite) number. The fact is that the t-shirt is size XXX-large. It is tight (and slinky) on 4D, but would need staples or binder clips to be slinky on Woodsy.

Urban Pedestrian: a new pair of pink go-go boots, size 7 1/2.

UP's second entry is recognized to be 'not bad', but as our shopping professionals had not spotted any pink go-go boots at Value Village, St. Vincents or the Sally Ann, UP will have to hope for one of her other entries.

Harmony: world peace - "An inner disarmament of the human soul that replaces jealousy and hatred with compassion and a holistic world view …."

Aggie and Conch Shell indicate they would be prepared to work on inner disarmament. Coyote suggests this is all too complex. 4D and the Chair are completely opposed. Things get ugly. Expletives are uttered. Cutlery is waved in threatening fashion. Bar staff intervenes and restores order.
Harmony will have to stick with her Lama friend for this one.

Apostrophe: a kick in the ass

No one is prepared to declare Apostrophe the winner, but we'd be happy to arrange a kick in the ass for him.
zoom: a mojo kit, with little treasures contributed by each of the ESIs.

Still affected by the fight over inner harmony and the the Kick in the Ass suggestion, the ESIs aren't feeling the Mojo.

Audrey: a Google poem written by the ESIs. ... mention my name ... dedicated to me

"We don't write Google poems," says 4D, "we find them."

Tiana: I would like to win a poutine made with crisp potato fries, squeaky cheese curds and a thick vegetarian gravy that hopefully doesn't taste mushroomy.

"Who wouldn't want this?" asks 4D. "If we knew where to get this we would have a new usual spot."
"Besides," says Coyote, "vegetarian gravy is an OXOmoron."

[4D notes that all of the following entries did not follow the contest rules because they were not posted in the comments attached to the original Meta Blog posting, but to update postings, or in one case to another blog entirely. "Fantastic," says the Chair, "eliminate them on a technicality. Very Ottawa!" Aggie and Coyote insist that we give these entries an equal chance.]

Urban Pedestrian: An opportunity to find us another muse to metablog.

"Perfect" says Aggie. Everyone nods in agreement. The quest for a new muse has become a frustrating crusade for the ESIs. "But what does Urban Pedestrian have in mind?" asks 4D. "Is she thinking of being our new muse and having us metablog her? Or is she going to help us find someone else?"
"Does it matter?" asks Aggie.
"Her blog doesn't have enough personal revelation and dysfunction," notes Coyote.
"And she doesn't really know what she'd be asking for," says 4D, "it's a real be careful what you wish for situation..."
"We should direct her to some of the postings after the unveiling," says the Chair. [example]
"I miss the Fifth Muse" says Aggie. The ESIs spend a few minutes reminiscing about highlights of the time they spent following 5M's adventures.

Urban Pedestrian: 2 million dollars

The ESIs are ready to move on with no consideration of this prize until 4D notes that UP did not specify which "dollar" she wanted and at current rates, $2 M Zimbabwe would come to about $64 Canadian. "Still too much, but with Zimbabwe's hyper-inflation, we should keep an eye on it."
Asteroidea Press: I think that the prize should be a light bulb sculpture.

4D announces that he has investigated this possibility with the lightbulb sculptor. "He says that he's already sorry he invited us to his last couple of parties, he's still cleaning up from Halloween, he really doesn't want any further association with us and we couldn't afford his price for a light bulb sculpture anyway.
"So if she wants a light bulb sculpture, she'll have to go to him," says Aggie. All agree.

bob: "a really good idea" of what to get my cats for their first birthday... ideas of other genres too.

"I think he's already got this," says Aggie.
Eternal_Hermit: Since I'm in no need of material things at the moment, I'll win by default, wishing someone else wins

Aggie is irritated. "I do not want him to win."
"He can't," says 4D. "If he wins, he loses, if someone else wins, he wins, therefore he loses."
Coyote asks, "Can we give him Apostrophe's kick in the ass?"

Tiana: a hand-made Christmas tree ornament.

4D notes that Tiana is a total hottie. "Seems obvious who should get the prize," says another ESI. "Should that matter?" asks Conch Shell. 4D notes that anything that helps us reach consensus is a good thing.
Aggie indicates that she would be extremely happy to craft a Christmas tree ornament for Tiana.

bob: Aggie's cat pillow ...

Again, we all look to Aggie: "I'm out of fish fabric. But I would do anything for Bob." All agree that it would be best for Bob if we kept his involvement with Aggie at a minimum.
Coyote notes that Bob should consider the pillow to be a great idea for a present for his cat.

The Winner:

Although the discussion of each winner has taken a long time, the ESIs quickly decide that the Winner of the Contest shall be:

Tiana, who shall receive a hand-made Christmas tree ornament.

And in a feeling of magnanimity, they announce a First-Runner-Up:

The Urban Pedestrian, who will be invited to help us find a new muse.

Thanks to all for entering!

[Minutes for remainder of meeting to follow...]


Apostrophe said...

Robbed! Thanks for the offer ESIs on the gratis kick. Somehow it's more prestigious when it comes as a prize. It would fetch more on eBay that way too.

Also: Why aren't you meta-blogging usedottawa.com? It might not be a blog, but there's a lot of narrative to be found in there. At least it'll keep that meta-blogging muscle in shape in the meantime.

Or: have you considered auto-meta-blogging?



Oh my. I'm touched and gratified and not a little verklempt at being so thoroughly discussed and at being awarded this lovely prize. I love running. So, the criteria is personal and dysfunctional and has to be in Ottawa, right? I'm on it. Where do you want me to send my nominations?


Actually, I already have a nomination. I'd like to propose Andrea over at: http://nomoredecorators.blogspot.com/. She's a musician/singer. Blogs about personal stuff all the time and has some painfully hilarious and poignant adventures -and, of course, she's in Ottawa

4th Dwarf said...

Congratulations Urban Pedestrian.

Let me say that it is delightful to see one of our winners actually happy to have won and ready to take advantage of their prize.

Unfortunately, this is where the fun stops.

You will soon find that finding a new muse for the ESIs is a thoroughly frustrating endeavor.

For example, Andrea. I've been following her on my own, but I haven't recommend her for metablogging for 2 reasons.

1) She's just not dysfunctional enough. At least not in her blog. Take her most recent post. Jessica stands her up for breakfast with no way to get in touch and find out what's going on. Then Andrea goes to some workshops she doesn't like and has a great supper with Jessica. Where was the fight? The falling-out? Where were the bitter accusations?

2) She writes under her own name. The Ethics Committee released a strict ruling more than a year ago that we are only allowed to metablog pseudonymous blogs. I don't quite understand the logic of the decision, but it's something to do with fairness and our secret identities giving us protection that real-name bloggers don't have.

Tiana said...

Oh I'm so excited by my win! Although I'm surprised by your use of low-res images of me...I have much better ones on line..


Okay. I'll keep looking. I may not be dysfunctional, but I AM tenacious.

Woodsy said...

Dwarfie, it seems to me that the following forum needs more participants (such as you):

Andrea SK said...

4th Dwarf:

I left out the fact that Jessica and I had to wrestle in mud and beat each other with corn husks before we could have an amicable dinner. Silly me, always leaving little details out!

I will try to be more of a bitch in the future.