10 Vacation Tips

1) If you need to get up and actually do something when you are on vacation, make sure you use a functional alarm clock. Test it to make sure it works properly.
2) Don't rush when you are on vacation. Relax your body. Slow it right down.
3) If others around you are stressed when you are on vacation, get the fuck away from them. Go to the beach. Go for a drive. Do what you need to do.
4) Plan, but don't overplan. When going to the beach, it's nice to have 1) cold beer or cider 2) a few snacks 3) sunscreen 4) a towel 5) water and 6) reading material. That's all you need, and you don't even really need all of these items. You could get away with just the sunscreen and the towel in a pinch.
5) Don't drink too much every day. It will make you feel bad, and then you'll have to drink more.
6) Check your restaurant bills when you are on vacation. Sometimes when you are relaxed you miss things like being overcharged for entire dinners you didn't order.
7) Remember that when you are vacation it is not about what you accomplish in a day, it's about being a complete underachiever.
8) Read and sleep a lot.
9) Don't eat battered seafood everyday. It will make you sluggish.
10) If you are not completely relaxed and feeling like you are on vacation, don't get stressed about that.


zoom said...

Man, I wish I'd read this BEFORE my vacation.

benwaydr said...

Ok Aggie and I loved #7 but hey wouldn't it be better to live every day as if you were on vacation. I've done that for over 60 years with no car, no stressed out folks, and no alarm clock although recently a friend gave me a watch which seems to work but has a loose band so I never see its face which means I can wear it for their sake but also for mine.

Aggie said...

Benwaydr: I would love to live every day as if I were on vacation. Please tell me how I can do this and still earn a living. Will you be my sugar daddy?

benwaydr said...

Ahh Aggie I would love to be your sugar daddy but alas living like I do sugar is way beyond my means or taste although sadly still an ingrediant in Sifto Salt (go figure). But I am sure you will recall(in a gnostic sort of way) what it was like once upon a time. If not ask Coyote (ok a joke there). When I lived in Manhattan (yes and in the very trendy section but that was another life) the term for me was "downwardly mobile" - briefly put always live below your current income - when I started on this rather Zen path I learned never to go upscale even though my income occasionly did - always buy down not up. However I do have several thousand books and cds so maybe we could work a deal. I tend to hang out at Cafe Venus or La Grotta (for sugar daddy hopefulls - you did catch I was 62 didn't you)? So I am more a sugar beet daddy. PS I never earned more that ten thousand a year so maybe I am more of saccharin daddy. But hey still up for it?

coyote said...

Ah. I see you've delved into the backstory, benwaydr. Then you'll understand that some days, it's more gnawstic than gnostic....

And I feel a certain responsibility as a member of Aggie's Spiritual Wellbeing Advisory Team (SWAT ®) to point out that the lady is likely to spend weeks or months considering the deep theological ramifications of dextrose suggerdaddyness over sucrose, sucrose over fructose, and so on.

I understand, too, that her deep-fried scallop bills right now are just killer...

benwaydr said...

Coyote I must pass on this being a agnawstic but I will refer you to an Ottawa poet and noted Taxi driver's song "gnostic serenade"


Under the Music button although it is a great poem. I particularly like the line "we meet to part and go our separate ways"

Natch I leave out the meeting part being agnawstic and all but scallop bills do sound rather fine indeed.

zoom said...

Are you guys ALL on vacation?

coyote said...

Zoom, it is truly astonishing how few of the Irregulars are anywhere within, oh, 500 or 1,000 miles of ELgin Street at the moment. Or 800 or 1,600 kilometres, if your mind works on that scale.

Some of us are on the road. (Not me. I don't wanna get run over by a semi.) Others are incommunicado. Or worse yet, lumbered with dialup-only access.

And some of us are just bone-ass lazy, pissin'and moanin' about the way blogging has lost its spark for them and passive-aggressively avoiding posting. We're gonna spend a little time offline thumping those ones for the next coupla weeks.

When we'll get back to our usual Irregularity....