PuBlog Research: Canadian Museum of Civilization

Fieldwork by Agatha, Coyote, and the Independent Observer, April 1, 2007:

Pluses (Concepts to Steal)

  • Fast cafeteria-style service and nice wrought iron tables beside a glass curtain wall facing pleasingly scenic bits of downdown Hull;
  • Handy to a highly eclectic gift shop with a $6.99 price-point fetish;
  • Handy to the capital city's combined IMAX/OmniMAX theatre;
  • Handy to the children's museum (you may have figured out by now that this wasn't that other, larger cafeteria with the great view of the Ottawa River, but the satellite kiosk on the main floor);
  • One hot dog spinning round and round and round on the electric rotisserie. (Call me weird. This appealed to me as a piece of conceptual art.)

Minuses (Things to Avoid)

  • Shocking lack of booze;
  • Nachos sport an un-nachoral orange sauce apparently composed of nuclear waste, salt, semi-liquid "process cheese food" and unknown quantities of food dye;
  • Taking its cue from its proximity to a movie theatre, the kiosk obviously ripped its prices and menu straight from Cineplex Odious' playbook. A large popcorn ran to pretty much the better part of 10 bucks. (Let's not even get started on the popcorn/drink combos);
  • A preponderance of wailing children (see above) As worthy and educational as museums and IMAXes are for young minds, many of 'em just wanted to get the f*ck outta there... "Right F*cking NOW, Parental Units!"
  • One hot dog spinning round and round and round on the electric rotisserie.

Summary: Healthy food choices were in short supply, and soothing libations were non-existent. I do not count fizzy cola drinks as 'soothing', no matter what ad writers may try to impose upon my world view. The IMAX theatre was a nice touch. We all enjoyed Deep Sea - celebrity narration by Johnny Depp and Kate Winslett, creative munching, crunching, smacking and slurping noises dubbed into the Danny Elfman score, as strange marine creatures consumed even stranger ones with gusto. Also, realistic seasicky sensations, due to the extra-large-screen movie format. Let it be noted that Aggie mentioned Gravol, and that we reeled with vertigo when we exited. If we plan to serve food and drink for money, this may not be optimum. Then again, it might've been those radioactive orange nachos...

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