Minutes of ESI Healing and Reconciliation meeting

Location: The neutral place
Present: Coyote, Agatha, the Chair, Independent Observer (later), 4thDwarf(much later), Conchie (much much later)
Guests: Conchie’s [redacted]

The meeting opened immediately with finger-pointing and the “blame-game”

Chair moved that CS should be blamed; Coyote seconded; motion carried

The IO arrived and told those present that he saw 4D waiting for us at [redacted] when in fact he had specifically told us we should meet at [redacted]

The team noted that they were concerned about 4D’s memory and proceeded to add him to the blame list

4D arrives and we pretend that there was no concern

We get back to why none of us can seem to coordinate to meet at the same location

IO gets defensive and says one of the reasons he didn’t go to the original venue was some sort of premonition event he had in addition to some technical failure in his communication technology which he produced as exhibit 1 in his evidence file

The Chair asked if there were one or two ‘m’s in the word 'lam-o'

4D says there is one ‘m’ and that it is best spelt as 'lame-o'

At this point, a phone call is made to find CS who is notably absent; IO forgets to dial 10 digits and has to listen to both official languages of Bell Canada’s lecture about the new system; 4D laughs and says it’s the fault of all of you cell phone users as he points around the table

4D offers some lessons learned
One – we should reply to our emails more often
Two – we shouldn’t change venues within the last 24 hours

Agatha gets concerned about this becoming policy and doesn’t like committing so far in advance

The Chair orders his second mojito

Another call is placed to find CS followed by the requisite profanities in response to her absence;
Some discussion takes place about how CS will respond to our concerns about her commitment and it was decided that she will try to divert the conversation to avoid the issue at hand.
CS arrives with [redacted]

The finger pointing resumes with no resolution but instead further lame-o excuses and escalating levels of sarcasm

Points noted: Aggie was baby-sitting which made it impossible to pick up the phone; CS and 4D actively omit each other from various correspondences with the team

The meeting moves to the victim impact statements

4D is somehow a victim because CS isn’t blogging enough, which the Chair thinks is co-dependent behaviour and duly notes it in the minutes

Coyote feels marginalized and the IO admits he is in a shame-spiral

Aggie is struggling with the yin and yang of having both commitment and abandonment issues with the ESIs but is trying to work through it

The Chair feels victimized for having to take the meeting minutes and uses his usual passive-aggressive methods by filing them several days late

CS feels trivialized because some ESIs wouldn’t join her along with the other traitors

Conchie’s [redacted] had no issues and felt privileged -- the jammy blighter

By this point the mojitos had kicked in and the meeting either went ‘in-camera’ or the Chair blacked out


bob said...

I go to one meeting a week, and based on your minutes, your meetings are way more fun than any i'll ever attend... i wanna come!!! Or perhaps just observe? Mabye you should expose some interface to allow for meta meta blogging (not that i could do that any justice at all, but i bet someone reading here could)..... i could just snicker in a corner pretending i understood all the goings on. I wanna be [redacted] (cause i don't know what that means either, where the pump is your glossary???).

Agatha said...

Bob - so glad you're back. As you know I was worried sick when you were in New York!
Because we are such a complex 'organization', we will likely have to hold an "ESI Emergency Meeting" to discuss what you have proposed above. Of course, if it were up to me, I'd have you meta meta blogging and attending our meetings regularly. It's obvious that we need some new blood. We've become completely dysfunctional since the 5M left the blogosphere, as you can see.
I guess we would also have to talk to our technical team about the "interface to allow for meta meta blogging." I'm sure the people who came up with our various "cams" could come up with something.

bob said...

O i disagree that you need new blood, i think you're doing just fine as it is! But attending in person would be like watching this blog on tv instead of listening to it on the radio :)

4th Dwarf said...

A meeting invite?

Bob has several strikes against him:

1) He will have to improve his knowledge of common Ottawa terms if he wants to keep up. [redacted]

2) He's too nice.

3) With his ties to Minty, he could be the techie brains behind the Ottawastart de-linking.

On the other hand:

1) When we buy the big house and move in together, he'd be mighty handy to have around for renovations and cooking us tasty meals.

2) He's already writing more here than a certain mollusk is.

Conch Shell said...

Okay, okay. Now, we know Bob cannot join in because, primarily, that would destroy our anonymity, and I am not aware of Bob passing our elaborate security clearance program. As Bob has been known to communicate with others, or at least the friend of others, who have attempted to "out" at least one of us before, I believe it would now be impossible for Bob to pass the security protocol.
However, I'd be happy to meta-blog about Bob's site for a little while.

bob said...

These are all excellent points, i'm in moreorless full agreement!! I like the idea of all you moving in together, but fear things will "get crazy" real fast - i'd totally love to come for the house inspection though (when you find a place). And Conch, everyone knows i'm far to boring to be meta blogged, and no this is not a selfbutterdown in order to entice, this is the plain truth.

4th Dwarf said...

No argument here.