More M reflections
posted by Anonymous
I forgot to remember to forget -- Kessler/Feathers
Getting to closure is tough when it comes to some relationships. The irony, of course, is that sometimes it’s not necessarily the great relationships that get all this afterthought. As Muse has pointed out in her latest missive, the relationship with M did not even have the passion she so desired. So why all the post-M obsession? From my experience, sometimes the focus on the one individual (for example, M in this case), is not the true obsession. M may be no more than a vessel to focus upon. Is the real issue more likely: "why does it never seem to work for me with anyone?" As was once pointed out to me, I am the only common denominator of all my failed relationships. That may be a trite but sobering thought. And it doesn't dismiss what responsibilities others have in making it work, but it is something we need to consider.
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7 comments:
Ah Corrie, what sad beautiful poetry this all is.
However, I must admit that as long as I'm not disfigured and destitute, I don't want that fat, geeky nice man, either. I'd prefer to think the goodlooking, funloving, active, smart guy, etc., would stick by me if such disfigurement arose.
But how about this one, if my man became an obese depressive case with hygiene problems, should I stick by him? (or vice-versa?)
Aggie and Corrie, thanks for trying to take some of the "creepy" heat on to yourselves and away from me. I don't think it'll work. It's one of those non-reciprocal gender things.
As for the question 6A poses, I figure we should always be self aware enough to recognize our weaknesses and motivated to improve where we can.
But except for the widows and widowers, anyone who has been in a relationship and is now single is the product of one or more bad relationships.
We can always find patterns in them. Humans are pattern recognizing beings. It's why we see faces in mouldy potatoes and constellations in the sky at night.
And as for the things that are "wrong" with us... You never know what will bug the hell out of one person and be charmingly endearing to the next. With truly insecure partners it can even be our strengths that get us rejected.
Was it that old fraud, Socrates, that said, "The unexamined life is not worth living"? He may've been right, just this once.
Or maybe it was that other G(r)eek philosopher, Mediocrates. Whatever. A little peering in the metaphorical mirror is sometimes good for the soul.
I do not discount instant rapport -- it's given me some stunningly, memorably good moments. But deciding somewhere around (or even before) the first date that I was in love with a lady coyote I didn't know very well, and that we were destined to be soul mates for life, then trying waaaay too long to make the resulting mismatch work, has also given me some stunningly memorably bad moments, too.
I guess I'm sayin' that sometimes, with almost zero information, we delude ourselves into falling in love with what we want that other to be, rather than what they are... Dame Agatha.
As an older, wiser coyote, I have thoughts. One is that in relationships, we needn't sell our selves short. We needn't be ridiculously grateful to any jerkass pretending to tolerate us. Rather than trying to measure up to what we imagine their expectations to be, we should be examining if they measure up to ours.
We also need to find ways to strip away self-delusion and see things clearly. And I think Corrie is absolutely right about considering whether what one thinks of as one's core values hold up.
That said, each of us is worthwhile to be with. If somebody else doesn't think so, well, we shouldn't try beyond all reason to make 'em. At the same time, we shouldn't beat ourselves up too much over what we think of as our failed choices. Because, well, we learn things that way. And that's a gift, not any reason for self-abuse.
You know the problem with quotations is they're often abbreviated. It's a little known fact that what Socrates actually said was:
"The unexamined life is not worth living, I bet."
No, but again, thanks for trying.
I just tried this test, answering as me, I came out as "Christopher Walken", pretty creepy, you'd have to agree. Answering as you, it came out as "Abraham Lincoln".
Speaking of creepy, was it Kenny Rogers that said, "...I just dropped in/ to see what condition/ my condition was in..."?
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