5M: A Self-Portrait

Jeez Louise, 5M, I don't know how much more of this I can take.


coyote said...

Thee Dwarf, I'm not the only one who'th thuckin' chokecherrieth here! Tathty little critterth, but tart, and extheedingly harth on the tongue. At leatht the bush ith thtill shady.... 'thcuze me a thecond, here.


That's better. So what shall we call her this week? Saint Jude of Lost Causes? Saint Elmo of Fire (or of Incredibly Irritating Synthetic Giggles???) Saint Catherine Tekakwitha? Saint Muse of Fifth Avenue? Ye shall know her by the nails in her hands... and evild'er is back, snuffling around, seeming to think that's a good thing, 'cuz it looks so spiritual, in an old-testamenty, deus irae kinda way. Ex that poor excuse for spiritual fraud outta the damn blog!

Our m*se, feeling somewhat helpless in her half-darkened vision, becomes perpetually worried that she's asking too much of M. She gets emotional crumbs, and yet she's so pathetically grateful for them.

She's resigned herself to casual abuse.

Apparently one needs more than laser-corrected 20/40 vision to see that for what it is...

4th Dwarf said...

If ye dinna want t'eat hard tack'n'boiled fish, don't be signin' of fer life as a pirate.

Or in language you lads c'n understand: if you don't want to hear sad songs, don't go to a Lynn Miles concert.

If you don't want poems that ye can't understand, don't go to an lcp reading.

Mayhap this be the blog for you.

Me? Testy? Arrr!

Agatha said...

The Chair can't stomach the self-flagellation. Coyote is queasy about her pathetic gratitude for emotional crumbs. 4th Dwarf in his rough-and-tumble way is basically saying that we must steel ourselves and "stay the course." I'm with the 4th Dwarf on this one, but I think some motion sickness remedies may help from Mothernature.com. First of all - what is motion sickness???

"Motion sickness results when the brain receives wrong information about the environment," explains Rafael Tarnopolsky, M.D., a professor of otolaryngology at the University of Osteopathic Medicine and Health Sciences. To help keep our bodies in balance, our sensory systems continually collect information about our surroundings and send it to our inner ears, and like computers, they organize the information and send it on to the brain.

"It is when our balance system notes a discrepancy between what our inner ears sense and our eyes sense that motion sickness can take hold, says Horst Konrad, M.D., chairman of the Committee on Equilibrium of the American Academy of Otolaryngology/Head and Neck Surgery. Not everyone gets it, but the signals are pretty clear when we do. We get dizzy. We sweat. Our skin turns pale. We feel nauseated. And if things don't get any better, we throw up."

Here are a couple of motion sickness remedies that might help:

1) "Think about motion wellness. "Motion sickness is partly psychological," says Dr. Konrad. "If you think you're going to throw up, you're probably going to." Instead, turn your thoughts to something wonderful."

2) Leave nursing the sick to someone else. It's a common occurrence. You're on a fishing boat. Everything's going along fine until someone gets sick. You watch in sympathy, maybe even offer a comforting shoulder. Before long, you're the next body down. Then there goes another. It's the domino theory in action. As cruel as it may sound, do your best to ignore others who are sick, says Dr. Konrad. Otherwise you're liable to end up in the same boat.

3) Get your nose out of the joint. Bad odors such as engine fumes, the dead fish on ice in the back of the boat, or the sardine sandwich being made in the galley can contribute to nausea, says Dr. Konrad. Aim your nose elsewhere.

4) Get up front and out ahead. In a car, move up to the front seat and focus on the road ahead or the horizon, says Dr. Tarnopolsky. This will bring signals from your body and your eyes into balance.

4th Dwarf said...

Arr, and if ye don't keep yer eyes on th'orizon, ye'll miss th' treasure ships!

coyote said...

And if ya eat enough Gravol, ya get really stoned.

Agatha said...

Perhaps Evildoer ate too much Gravol...Or, perhaps as I heard someone say on the Orient Express - "the fellow doesn't have both oars in the water." His latest comment: "I must say, this was a very beautiful reflection. I don't know how well you are seeing right now, but your heart has twenty twenty vision!" Coyote - your 5M vision examination today produced quite a different result.

coyote said...

Yes, it did, didn't it, Agatha?

I kinda think Evild'er's ricketey train of thought departs from the debatable assumption that any 5M rumination involving spirituality, however offhanded or oblique, will inevitably bring her closer to his purblind point of view (I use the phrase advisedly, given current context). And thus, he graspingly hopes, closer to his slightly unclean clutches. So he encourages her -- such laudable missionary zeal, don'cha think?

Without wandering too far into the whole boggy slough of, "What the hell is spirituality, really?" (Being an unrepentently totemic coyote, I'm fairly sure my views, to E, would reek of shocking blasphemy...) -- I think I can safely say that E's forkish tongue will be flappin' & parched for a good long time before he ends up in a warm and uncomfortable venue somewhat hotter than the last few days' weather, and somewhat deeper underground than 4th Dwarf's mother lode. Or somewhat deeper than the bed of Davey Jone's locker, depending on Dwarf's argot of the moment.

I expect Evild'er's tongue will do quite a lot more parched flapping after he ends up there, too.

And, hey, Dwarf -- I'm staying the course. My amber eyes are always on the horizon. But if 5M gets to bitch tiresomely, so do I. Them's the rules. That's what self-absorbed wanking is all about. (And of course I bitch about far more interesting things than she does, especially when she's in self-pitying mode...)

The Independent Observer said...

Denial: Not just a river in Egypt

The Chair has a point -- there is only so much flagrant self-delusion one observer can stomach. But here's a temporary solution: The 5M's recent ramblings are much more palatable when run through The Dialectizer --http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/ -- in this case on Elmer Fudd mode...

5f M*se
A nice giww in the Canadian capitaw muddwing thwough academics, wwiting, and dating wife...

Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Back to bwind wwiting. I was too sowe to do so ovew the pat coupwe of days. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I just had my check up and appawentwy, awthough my eyes have heawed, my epithewium is "Woose" - wike my mowaws? - hah. Anyway, as awways, my concewn is fow M, who seems a bit put out that he is being woped into dwiving me back and fowf faw mowe than expected. I feew weawwy badwy abotu it, but hope to get him a WW gift cewtificate combo biwthday and thanks, and pay fow him to come to Mntweaw wif me fow my biwthday. I awwwso offewed to edit his thesis. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I'm not suwe what ewse I can do. I just hate that he finds it so hawd to give. I hate that I am so constantwy awawe of his wesentment. ow wesistance ow whatevew it is. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! I wish thewe was someone ewse I couwd caww on, but weawwy, thewe's no one ewse wif the fwexibiwity of scheduwe that bof he and I have as gwad students. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! Anyway, I think he is definitewy weawning ego=wess wove in pwoviding fow me this way and I hope I have done and wiww do the same fow him. He must be a souw mate of sowts, even if not a wife pawtnew. I'm not suwe how he feews about it. He tends to cwam up about anything wesembwing intimacy. I want to get the book Intimacy wif God. I heawd the authow on CBC ovew teh weekend and it sounded wike an intwiguing take on ouw wewationship to the divine, cewtainwy his pewspective that this type of wewationshipi does not need to come in a wewigious package. I'm a bewievew, but, not a bewievew in wewigion, uh-hah-hah-hah.

Mewanwhiwe, I am being chawwenged to considew my wife without the text that usuawwy defines it. One of the thing the authow of the afowementioned book said was thatouw undewstanding of God cannot come fwom ouw intewwect. Dat''s obvisous but pwofound at the same time. Fow those of us invested in infowmation, it takes a wot of wowk to wet go of that cewtainty.

Anyway, I hope that I can be as good to M as he's been to me and I'm sowwy if I've sounded a bit bittew about his hewping me and not being awound enough. I know he gives what he can and that it is hawd on him. He's stwuggwing wif something wight now that I can't stouch and that he can't even identify. I'm afwaid to considew what wies beneaf his depwession, uh-hah-hah-hah. I have howwibwe intuitions about it, and think I may be going too faw into feaw. Howevew, the wowwd is not awways as easy ow twanspawent as we wouwd wike it to be, and that is the heawtbweakingfactow. We must continue to wove and fowgive in the face of it.

I'm off to mowe west ... wying in the semi-dawk, wistening to the sounds of biwds, twaffic, wind, wain ... no wongew in pain, but anxious, anxious fow this time of heawing to be compwete ...

posted by 5f M*se @ Tuesday, June 14, 2005 1 comments

Agatha said...

Thanks for giving us this wonderful new resource, IO. Here is Evildoer's comment from yesterday in "redneck". It seems to really suit the nasty devil: "ah muss say, this hyar was a mighty right purdy refleckshun. ah doesn't knows how fine yer seein' right now, but yer heart has twenty twenty vishun! Fry mah hide!"

coyote said...

Vewy intewesting bwog, Obsuhvuh! I wuv the diawectizuh! It's almost as good as chokechewwies!