Cabbages and kings

Even a casual flip through the collected history of Canada's prime ministers makes it evident that almost the entire lot have been kinda cranky, whatever their public personae. And even a casual flip through the Oxford Big Word Thingy, Canine Edition, shows that we coyotes define "kinda cranky" as, pretty much,"venal, manipulative, backstabbing sonsabitches".

Protestations of the heartwarming benefits of public service aside, I'm not sure what drives people to seek the job. Lately politicians score somewhat below coyotes on measures of public trust. And as long as I'm bloggin', I'll be doing everything I can to keep it that way... I digress. And you're shocked, shocked, I know.

If you know this blog at all, right now you're prolly asking, "Coyote, if they're all kinda cranky, why do you dislike this one, so?" Good question.

I think it might be his attitude. People who are as sure of themselves as Stephen Harper appears to be, seem to me to be lacking a vital bit of humanity. Questioning oneself is a good thing. And in most democracies, compromise, however abhorrent it is to any one high-rankin' individual, pleases more people than does dictatorship by fiat.

A year ago, as the prime minister spouted patent nonsense about coalition governments being unconstitutional, I thought he was just spinning his sound bites for - how to state this delicately? - the dumbshits in his voter base. The ones who get wa-a-a-y too much of their cable edjumafication about government on Foxic News. How could he believe that crap?

Lately, I reach toward a darker thought. That maybe he really is the same kinda dumbshit as his voter base. That he does believe that crap. Maybe in Harper's mind, his election magically turned the prime ministership into an American-style imperial presidency and gave him a rather startling range of powers. Many of which never were foreseen by guys who actually, you know, crafted parliamentary government over the past few hundred years.

So, what if he thinks this makes him a law unto himself and dares the opposition to do anything about it? Well. If ya wanna look back past Canada's parliamentary history, even a, ummm, casual flip through Britain's history suggests that guys who tried to screw over the ascendancy of parliament did not end well.

But hey. If, in deference to the PM's tender feelings, we were to use an American example, the president who most epitomized this kinda thinking was ummm, Dick Nixon. Dear me. That did not end well, either...

Difficult as the concept seems to be for him, personally, the PM may wish to study compromise. It might be on the final exam.

999 Posts Later...

...do you love us just the same?

And I thought there was no 5th anniversary.

Coyote injures nose

Taking Hits for Hits?

In the attached Google Analytics graph, you can see that our daily hits for the past month has ranged between 16 and 125.

There are sites with higher readership.

For example, the Salisbury Journal has received more than 130,000 hits on their story titled "Dog injures nose". [plus update that is not really an update]

Coyote, I know you would like to see our readership increase. Maybe it's time you mixed it up a bit.

Or readers, do you have other suggestions for postings that would bring us high hit counts?

Rahim redux

The quiet sucking sound at ex-MP Rahim Jaffer's parliamentary hearing Wednesday was his former pals vacuuming the last of his political oxygen from the room. The whumpwhump as they tossed him under the crosstown 95 was just punctuation.

It's taken me a couple of days to puzzle out what went down, because us coyotes are just slow that way. Jaffer led with bravado, proclaiming his simon-purity in the matter of peddling influence; moved to bathos when he choked out a little well-timed contrition toward his wife, ex-minister Helena Guergis; then changed it up to bafflegab in cross-examination, to blow smoke over his (many) inconsistencies. He seemed convinced it would work, even after Tory MP Tom Lukiwski passed copious photocopies all 'round to contradict what Jaffer had said.

I finally got the plot when I realized that Jaffer copped his script straight from his parliamentary days. Tories use the bravado/bathos/bafflegab gag in every duel in Question Period. Come out firing, briefly tug the constituents' heartstrings, then bellow any arrant nonsense that unsubtly ignores the actual question. Admit no fault, however self-evident. (Preferably wearing a snarky sneer - for manifold examples, I cite the face beneath John Baird's hair. I digress.)

It seems to work - for governments. That, say, think they have the power to sit on document trails that show who knew what, about Afghan prisoners being tortured. I digress again. Sadly, this time...

Regular schmoes are not so lucky. Jaffer ain't plugged into government anymore, despite his alleged illusions to the contrary. With less hubris he might've noted the prime minister missed no opportunity to label him a private citizen. And he coulda guessed that if Mr Harper could blackball former PM Brian Mulroney - party luminary such as he is - then a problem partyguy from Edmonton-Strathcona would barely rate.

I'd say Harper lives in secret fear of taint. Yeah, he's a coldly calculating stinker who seems indifferent to what others think of him. But any hint of potential irony around a narrowly-defined sort of government corruption gives him the cold willies. He squeaked out a couple of elections by promising to end all that. So if some of his ministers tolerated an alleged illegal lobbyist who used to be one of 'em, without ratting him out in the fashion the PM hisself ordered, it would look, ummm... bad.

The real irony is that it was an impossible promise. The PM has gotta think that even with his stranglehold on his caucus, it's only a matter of time until one of 'em screws up. Coulda happened already. Inevitable human nature will kneecap him right where he staked out his only moral high ground. Sometime, his bus will come. Bummer about that squeaky-clean legacy...

RNDP 30: The quest has ended

I haven't posted much lately on the quest for a Revolutionary New Dating Paradigm because while I continued to monitor the internets for new developments, everything I've found merely echoes what we already know:

• Smell matters, seriously;
• Having too many choices can prevent you from finding a truly suitable partner;
• Playing hard to get isn't necessarily a winning strategy;
  
• Well-being is related to having less small talk and more substantive conversations;
• Using social media can be complicated; and
• Beautiful women can cause men to do stupid things.
  

But now the quest is over.

In today's Dinosaur Comics, T-Rex gives us a revolutionary new dating paradigm.

You'll have to click through and read all the way to the last frame. Make sure you also read the mouseover text.

I'd like to thank you all for your patience during the years it has taken us to come to this conclusion. Especially those of you who held off on dating until we had this answer.

Health Canada Listeria Update

Q: The Stanley Cup was recently on tour in my town, and I kissed it. Do I have to worry about being infected by listeria?


A: You are safe! Listeria virus shelf-life is 8 months. The Stanley Cup has not been in contact with any Maple Leaf product in over 40 years.

Thank you for your inquiry.



A fist-bump to Peter H. for this timely contribution.

Fieldwork Opportunities with our friends at CSIS

Any bloggers out there looking for work that involves doing what you already do, that is observing, researching, analyzing and then reporting? I've found a perfect job for you as a surveillant:

The Canadian Security Intelligence Service (CSIS) is seeking applications for a career in surveillance in the regional offices of the Service. Candidates must possess a high level of initiative, motivation and discretion, with the ability to work a flexible schedule. Under the direction of a team leader, the Surveillant is responsible for :

• Conducting discreet physical surveillance.
• Researching and analysing information pertaining to surveillance.
• Drafting regular operational reports, detailing exact movements and activities.

Other Requirements
Candidates should be in good physical health and be able to adapt quickly to a variety of settings and situations and manage a high level of stress.

Besides being able to adapt quickly and manage stress, you'll need a driver's licence and a university degree (but it can be any degree at all! even a useless one like journalism.)

Also there are the "Security Requirements":

Candidates must have no criminal record, must not have used illegal drugs in the last twelve (12) months and must be able to obtain a Top Secret security clearance. This process involves a security interview, polygraph and a background investigation that includes credit and financial verifications.

Worried about the polygraph? The internet can help you there.

If your finances are in disarray, perhaps you should consult Gail.

And if spending your days eating pizza in a white van isn't for you, CSIS has a whole list of other immediate career opportunities.

Google Poem: How to Make? (brought to you by the letter "M")

How to make a milkshake?
How to make a martini?
How to make a music note on Facebook?
How to make a mustard plaster?
How to make a movie?
How to make a Mickey Mouse cake?
How to make a mojito pitcher?
How to make a man jealous?
How to make a million dollars blogging?

interruptus

Honestly...

I hate rainy days. And we coyotes find that honesty as defined by our elected representatives is a strange thing indeed.

Current events suggest that the current Prime Minister practices a form of petty-cash honesty - scrupulous about accounting for pennies, nickel(back)s and dimes, in ways that firmly address the letter of election promises to bring accountability back to government, but that are infinitely greasier on larger matters of ethics. Petty-cash honesty can be way to feel virtuous while more problematic pathologies of the soul need addressing.

A recently gauche minister was turfed because she is accused - but not proven - of applying her publicly-elected mitts to encourage a little private gain in the family. It's close enough to the kind of thing that helped the PCs deep-six Liberals and gain power, that the PM calculated that he had to cut her loose, or look even more like a cynical hair-splitter than he already does. Yet, nickel and dime stuff in the end.

In Ottawa's political bubbleworld, most big-picture statements made during elections seem to be covered by a blanket equivalent of crossed fingers behind the back. Politicians who spout 'em, believe them only as far as they need to to sell the message. Once asses are snuggled into seats in the House, neither they, nor any the other gamesters sitting across the aisle, expect to be held to such promises.

Cynical as hell, yeah, but it certainly helps a poor dumb canine to understand why a government elected on broad promises of openness and accountability can merrily strangle both, while the PMO's chief of staff mouths black-is-white platitudes about the great job it's doing on the file.

And the question of whether Cabinet, or ministers, condoned or encouraged the torture of human beings in Afghanistan, was dismissed with the suggestion that Canadians don't care about it. "Canadians" in this case probably means the Conservative's core voters. Problematically, I am left to conclude that the party's definition of "human beings" may mean the same exclusive group.

So even if the nickels and dimes in petty cash add up so far, it doesn't follow that a government is intellectually honest - or ethical.

And thinking about it, I kinda wonder if maybe the current government has as much problem with the "intellectual" part as it does with honesty. Shudder. We coyotes would do well to save that one for an entirely different rainy day, I think...

Right there in black and white

So, a week ago, the Ottawa Petfinder asked the musical question, Does anyone like Nickelback?, in a story that stated, and I quote:

"On American prime-time TV, 30 Rock's writing team had proven the easiest dramatic shorthand for "egregious knob" was to show a character enraptured by the prospect of raising his Bic to the arena-rock strains of How You Remind Me."

And today, the Glob's Jane Taber (bless her inkstained li'l heart...) put a face on that egregious knob, with PMO flack Dimitri Soudas confirming it.

Having to buy a new keyboard after snerting hot Kona all over the old one? Totally worth it...

Kicked out of a concert

Okay, so in my defence, I hafta admit that I was distracted when I read the poster. I thought it said "Emo-fest".

Upside: Biggest damn drumsticks I ever saw.

Downside: Biggest damn drumsticks I ever saw. Testy damn birds, and man, can they kick!

Happy Easter

Ah, Cute bunnies, I thought to myself. Then I noticed the carrot.