2008-12-02

Top Five Alternatives to the Coalition

Now that Prime Minister Harper has put the F-U in fiscal update and pushed Canada into a constitutional crisis, I propose some governance alternatives to consider:

Barack Obama

As Homer Simpson once said, Canada can be considered America Jr. So, why not have President-Elect Obama preside over things in the Great White North until his inauguration in January? It’s a win-win situation. He gets some governance experience before taking on the big job, and we get a good looking, well-educated hipster-guy as PM that everyone will like. We haven’t had that since Trudeau came on the scene in 1968. And our economy is only half as bad as Uncle Sam’s. Throw in Canadians’ low expectations when it comes to deliverables from politicians, and he may like it so much that he’ll want to stick around.

Michaëlle Jean

In the old days, her job was the executive branch of rule. Let’s give it back to her. And while we're at it, return the Stanley Cup and change the annual hockey classic to its original shinny days on the back rink of Rideau Hall. Go, Silver Seven, go!

Cats of Parliament Hill

Given Stéphane “I’m not dead yet” Dion seems to have as many lives as a feline, maybe we should take our cues and move the legislature to those equally feral denizens of Parliament Hill. A purr-fect time for electoral paws, I say. They cost less to maintain than a typical Cabinet Minister’s office budget and also do double-duty for rodent control [insert Senate joke here].

Post Mistress General

The old saw goes that whoever runs the post office truly rules the empire. For Canada, this comes in the form of Moya Greene, a native of Newfoundland, and head postie of our national postal service. Anyone who can get the mail through postal worker picket lines could probably move a few pieces of legislation with equal adeptness.

The CBC's At Issue Panel

They seem to know everything, that panel. They could make a pretty good governance coalition themselves. And that Chantal Hébert… isn’t she just the coolest the way she shuts down Andrew Coyne’s right-wing jingoistic rants with just a raise of an eyebrow? Put a mustache on her and you’d have the makings of a great porn star. And maybe Allan Gregg could use the extra salary to buy himself some new threads, preferably something that doesn’t make him look like a record company A&R man. Peter Mansbridge would become the Speaker of the House and Rex Murphy could become Gentleman Usher of the Black Rod --- if you know what I mean.

3 comments:

TWFKAH said...

Oh. My. God.
I went out for dinner the other night, to Absinthe, and THERE SHE WAS. Drinking red wine, and gesticulating wildly at the next table.
I LOVE Chantal Hebert. She puts those other pundits to SHAME, I say, to SHAME.

That's all I have to say.

Milan said...

An alternative to giving the job to Michaëlle Jean is having the British Parliament behave as it does when the Northern Irish assembly is in chaos. They could suspend Canadian self-rule and administer us directly from Whitehall.

Westboro Observer (no relation to the IO) said...

Whoa Chair! You have been SO prorogued! As rare as your posts are, one hour is all you get at the top of the ESI! You've beat the record for shortest term...even Stephen Harper's. Ha!