Not so Zen Thoughts

I have not quite perfected clearing my mind of all thoughts during yoga.

For example, tonight, while I was listening to my yoga teacher's soothing instructions, I was also discreetly trying to get a glimpse of the enticing tattoo on her rump.

As I continued posing, I remembered that I should book a series of massages with her. She is also my massage therapist.

At that thought, and as I was trying to stay balanced in a I Have Fire Shooting Out of My Middle Finger She Woman Man Hater Warrior pose, I let out a whiny Uji breath as I realized, with envy in my heart, that there are certain things that have happened to my beloved fellow bloggers that just never happen to me.

I have never,

  1. Gotten to second base with my massage therapist,
  2. Won anything of any significant value,
  3. Scored free tickets to see someone I love perform, or
  4. Made love to someone on the desk of a Member of Parliament.
  5. There is no fifth thing, but I wish there was.


A. & J. said...

I'll see if I can pass my horseshoe on to you. :)

Milan said...

The third link in your ordered list is broken.

In spite of that, it seems like a rather good list.

xup said...

Don't try so hard to clear your mind. When a thought appears, do not try to block it. Welcome it. Thank it and allow it to be on its way. That's what they told me at the Shambhala Centre. I have also never done any of the things on your list.. oh and the Shambhala people also said to be grateful for the things you have rather than yearning for the things you don't have

4th Dwarf said...

Actually, Woodsy, it sounds like Mae's massage therapist actually made it to 3rd Base.

Woodsy said...

XUP, here's the problem, I know that you are right, but I get oppositional. I so value my stream of consciousness thoughts, the constant ramblings of my ideas, the sorting through and indexing of all the information my senses are receiving or being given at any given moment, that I refuse to shut down my thinking during yoga. As for yearning for things... I appreciate everything I have, but I strive to acquire a few more raunchy and/ or exciting experiences in my life before I give up the ghost... what can I say, it's complicated.

Dwarfie, really? Maybe I better go re-read that. By the way, that is such an Anglo expression to me that I don't even know what all the different bases entail. Can someone describe what happens at all the different bases?

4th Dwarf said...

Woodsy, I thought I'd google this and find you a definitive answer, but it turns out the code has been affected by inflation.

Back in the mid-20th Century it was simple:

1st-Base - Kissing (including tongue)
2nd-Base - Touching above the waist (and under the shirt and bra) (aka "petting")
3rd-Base - Touching below the waist (aka "heavy petting")
Home - All the way.

Oral sex was technically 3rd Base. Anal sex didn't exist for the polite people who used the Baseball Code.

But now according to Wikipedia, what used to be 3rd Base is 2nd Base if it's not oral sex and oral sex is 3rd.

Unless, you're in a relationship that views oral sex as the ultimate in which case it is a home run.

[Here's an odd thing: Although people like Ann Landers used to often use the terms "petting" and "heavy petting" to describe activities that young folk should be careful about, I've never encountered a spoken or written example of someone talking about petting with someone else.]

mae callen said...

I'll have you know, significant base research was conducted...polls indicate 2nd. Although I may have need to ask Michaƫlle Jean to make a final verdict.