Fringe Festival

The latest polls seem to be pointing to the return of the Conservatives to government, the only debate being whether they get a majority or a minority. So unless you are in a swing riding, your vote is pretty much useless at this point.

But all is not lost. The fringe candidates could use your support. Getting 10% of the vote helps them in getting a refund on their expenses. And remember: there was a time when the Green Party was considered fringe in this land. Here is the field of local fringe candidates:

Ottawa Centre

John Andrew Akpata (Marijuana Party)

This isn’t John’s first run for the job of Ottawa-Centre MP. He got 387 votes in the last election. In 2004, he got 495 votes when he ran in Ottawa South. It’s clear that John needs to move his campaign further south (not north) to where the grow-ops constituency can give him a bigger mandate. Dave’s not here, man.

Pierre Soublière (Marxist-Leninist Party of Canada)

Ottawa-Centre is one of the few ridings that consistently fields a Communist candidate in an election. Their official name is the Communist Party of Canada (Marxist-Leninist) and it should not be confused with the Communist Party of Canada which has also fielded candidates in Ottawa-Centre in the past. For me, this has led to considerable choice confusion as to which brand of communism I should support. Sadly, such confusion has invariably led to splitting the Commie vote in the riding. According to wiki, the party membership seems to be active with postal workers which probably explains the Kim Jong-il commemorative stamp coming out next month.

Ottawa-Vanier

Christian Legeais (Marxist-Leninist Party of Canada)

According to Christian Legeais, the MLPC stands for sovereignty, the affirmation of rights and democratic renewal. It opposes the restructuring of the state to facilitate annexation to the U.S., monopoly right, fascism and war. Christian is recognized for his work in the defence of the rights of all and his opposition to the U.S. "war on terror" and the occupation of Iraq, Afghanistan, Palestine and Haiti. I once dated a woman with the same profile. She was also a bit of a pill.

Michel St-Onge (Canadian Action Party)

Where were you when the planes hit the twin-towers? The Canadian Action Party wants to know. And they want the Government to investigate why you were so conspicuously absent from lower Manhattan that day. Where were you? Tell us. Who called you? Michel claims to have grown up with an older sister and had what some would call a “normal” childhood (his quotes). I thought I grew up with a “normal” childhood. My close friends tell me otherwise.

Robert Taylor-Larter (Independent)

I’ll leave it to our colleague here to explain Mr. Taylor-Larter’s background. All I can add is that there is very little on the web about this guy, which has me worried. I’m hoping that at one of the all-candidates meetings, Michel can cross-examine Robert on his whereabouts on September 11, 2001, and he better have a good alibi.

Ottawa West – Nepean

Alex McDonald (Communist Party of Canada)

Alex works as a taxi driver in a small community near Ottawa. He’s the only candidate for the Communist Party of Canada in the Ottawa region. The leader of the party is Miguel Figueroa. Too bad the Communists don’t have a prayer’s chance of winning. Prime Minister Miguel Figueroa has a nice resonance to it. Canadians need to shed that white bread, Fred MacMurray image. You know a guy named Miguel wouldn't be caught dead in a cardigan.

David Page (Independent)

The Ottawa Sun’s Ron Corbett met up with Page recently.

Page certainly has credentials: MA, M.Ed. MBA, and a recently acquired law degree. He has three promises that can be found on his MySpace page:

To faithfully represent the interests of my constituents and to help them with their dealings with the federal government

To represent the interests of the citizens of Ottawa to the federal government and to cooperate with other members of Parliament from the Ottawa area, and;

To do everything in my power to help address the clear and present dangers posed by global warming.

It all sounds too earnest for a politician. Cooperation with other members of Parliament? That isn’t going to get you any sound bites from Question Period.

Ottawa-South

Jean-Serge Brisson (Libertarian Party of Canada)

Jean-Serge “the Rad Man” Brisson is running for the Libertarian Party of Canada in Ottawa South. He claims to have been inspired to join the Libertarians after the introduction of compulsory metrification in Canada in the early 1980s. The Libertarians have a fairly straightforward platform: get rid of Government except for basic civil protection issues. Brisson claims to have never collected the federal Goods and Services Tax (GST) for his radiator repair business as he refuses to recognize the Government’s imposition of it.That’s rad, man!

Al Gullon (Progressive Canadian Party)

The PC Party still exists - sort of. Elections Canada forced the rebels that refused to merge with the Reformers to find a new party name. Its leader is Sinclair Stevens. They think Harper is in cahoots with the Bloc to bust up Canada. They’re probably right. But I mean, really, Sinclair Stevens? It’s so 1980s. I really can’t go back. Rugger pants. Leather ties. Men Without Hats. I can’t.

Stormont-Dundas

Dwight Dugas (Canadian Action Party)

In his own words:

Shortly after being tear gassed and shot at with "non-lethal" weapons, I contacted CAP to register as a candidate in the next federal election. Not long after I received a phone call from Connie Fogal and was accepted as the candidate for S.D & SG.

I’m all for democratic processes, but I think the initiation rights for the Canadian Action Party are a little extreme.

Howard Galganov (Independent)

According to his website, we live in a topsy-turvy world and Howard is going to help us cut through the fog. Some of that fog has to do with Canada’s bilingualism policies. Howard also doesn’t believe in reasonable accommodation. Come to my country and become like us. Don’t expect us to become like you.

If Aboriginal/First-Nations people had the same attitude a few hundred years ago, I guess I’d be living in a tee-pee and speaking Cree. But what form of Cree would be the official languages? Central? Plains? Eastern Algonquian? You see, Howard, no matter what, we’re going to have a language debate in this country.