2008-05-08

RNDP 3: Monty's New Dating Paradigm

Monty of Much Ado About Monty... is the third link Google gave me in the quest for a revolutionary new dating paradigm. He is also my favourite of them all. I thought about saving Monty for later, but today really is the day to showcase him.

Just over a year ago, Monty was finding that his dating strategy using Gaydar (eHarmony for non-straights) wasn't working and so he came up with a new plan in a post called Changing tactics...:

I've decided to stop dating a bunch of new guys each week and instead, focus on the guys I've already met. ... I am not dating-with-relationship as the goal, but rather it's more about making friends with the guys I have met. If a relationship is going to happen, it will happen in its own time (and most likely when I least expect it). No use trying to force it - I just need to relax and enjoy the company of these guys!

...Naturally, Monty can't completely change his spots and so to keep things interesting, I'm allowing myself one new guy per week. So, whilst I haven't jumped off the Gaydar merry-go-round completely, I'm at least slowing it down to a more manageable pace. And I'm liking this!

Two weeks later, Monty gave an update in My New Dating Paradigm...:

I've been rabbiting on about my New Dating Paradigm over the last couple of weeks and as everyone is aware, I've not been so successful in sticking to it.

...now, instead of a hard and fast rule of ONE newbie per week, it shall simply be my goal to date only one newbie per week. That way, if I do end up with two or even three newbies in a week, I'll be simply exceeding my goal...

I must say however, that I have succeeded in slowing down the dating merry-go-round and so the NDP is achieving its purpose. I'm having more 2nd, 3rd, 4th dates etc which is much more fun! And I'm getting to know these guys better and becoming friends with them. Life is so much less stressful and I'm definitely not feeling as fatigued as I was when on the merry-go-round. Yay!

Now it is a full year later. How did Monty's new dating paradigm work out? Today his post is titled: The L-Word...

And NO, I'm not becoming a Lesbian! The L-Word I'm referring to is THAT one...yes, dear readers, LOVE!

...it's only since I've been out - 22 months and counting - that I've been open to the idea of a relationship ergo LOVE. And as you, my dear readers, are aware, since then I've certainly been out there trying to find Mr Right - and finding lots of Mr Right Nows (and the odd Mr Oh-What-the-Hell-Were-You-Thinking-Of)! That is, until I met McBrad. Ahhh, the gorgeous McBrad.
...
And so last weekend, we were lying in bed talking - proper serious talking, the relationship kinda stuff - and it just came out - naturally and honestly and soberly! And boy, did it feel good! McBrad obviously liked it and definitely showed me how much he liked it - WOW!!! But I was really happy that I did hold out until I was ready for it. (Not that he pressured me or anything - that was the really nice thing. He wanted me to know how he felt and was happy to wait until I could respond) And now, I just want to keep telling him! I don't of course - don't want to overdo it, but it's just such a liberating thing! I love McBrad!!! And I want eveyone to know! Wahooooo! :-)

4d Analysis: Monty's "old" dating paradigm was to see 3 or 4 new people every week. The "new" dating paradigm was to see 1 or 2 new people every week along with 1 or 2 that he'd been out with before. The new dating paradigm clearly worked for him.

As he is just one person and self-selected rather than randomly selected, we have no statistical confidence that his NDP would work for others. On the other hand, he has demonstrated that his paradigm can work for at least one person. We have no such proof from the authors who brought us the "Feminists in the Office without Chivalry" and "Hooking Up" paradigms.


7 comments:

XUP said...

I suspect only Monty could pull this off successfully - it sounds exhausting. Perhaps you could explore the mating paradigm of the Mosuo tribe (my personal favorite) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mosuo#Walking_marriages

Aggie said...

Hurrah for Monty! But did he really shift THE paradigm? Or did he just shift his own paradigm? Or is that the idea: shift your own paradigm.

Pandora said...

Is there a THE paradigm for dating? Seems to me that this question deserves some consideration. How can a RNDP have any cred if there was no WOOP (Worn Out Old Paradigm) to replace?

Also, have you considered conducting ethnographic interviews of seniors? I was chatting with Woodsy the other day in our secret grotto, and we agreed that many elderly gentlemen have much to teach the middle-aged and young about both chivalry and grooming. Just a thought.

4th Dwarf said...

XUP: I am happy to investigate the Mosuo. Although, I am on the quest for a dating paradigm, not a mating paradigm, they may well have something to teach us.

Aggie: You ask cogent questions. Welcome to the research team.

Pandora: Zoom asked for a revolutionary new dating paradigm. She did not for a categorical list of the old paradigms it would replace. If you and Woodsy want to put your research resources to that question, feel free.

pandora said...

hmm, what about the old guys teaching younger guys a thing or two - huh?

4th Dwarf said...

Pandora, like I said, if you and Woodsy want to talk to old guys about their dating methods, go ahead.

Woodsy said...

4D, I take that as a challenge! Thanks...

Pandora, onward march... let's find us some mature gents!