FLASHFLASHFLASH!!!!!
posted by coyote
Uh oh. Suddenly, Shania Twain is single again... and 4th Dwarf is a die-hard country music fan. When in his cups, he's been known to publicly bemoan the fact that Canada's Country Music Cutie In Incredibly Abbreviated Outfits ever got married. He always said it should've been her bed his moonboots were under. Fourteen years ago, and the shock still feels just like yesterday to him. She broke Dwarfie's heart. Oh, sure, he says he burned all of her CDs, but on certain dark nights, the sound of her digitally-enhanced voice could still be heard seeping beneath the door of his grotto, singing harmony to loud tormented wails. It was all very embarrassing.
What effect this earth shattering news will have on his revolutionary new dating paradigm research is anybody's guess. Will Dwarf's hope rise, phoenix--like? I dunno. But I bet this'll probably be interestin'...
Labels:
4D,
Celebrities,
country music,
creepiness,
Current Events,
dating,
paradigm,
SRW,
stalking,
Warning
Posts
6 comments:
Coyote, I would never burn Shania's CDs. Every copy I own was legitimately purchased.
Shania's new availability may interfere with my RNDP research. Perhaps she needs to be single for awhile, and I would not interfere with that, but if she is open to finding someone new. There are at least ten reasons that it should be me.
Shania, here is why the Fourth Dwarf should be your second husband:
1. I am in it for Love.
2. I know how the story goes.
3. I would show you a teasing, squeezing, pleasing kind of time.
4. I am, in fact, heart-beating, fine-treating, breath-taking, and earth-quaking.
5. Like your adopted home Switzerland, I am politically neutral.
6. I leave my boots at the door, not under other people's beds.
7. I do not look like Brad Pitt, I flunked out of rocket science, I do not have a car; but I would keep you warm in the middle of the night.
8. Burnt food! I love it like that!
9. No charge for backup whistling on your next big hit.
10. If you should happen to accidentally scream your ex's name during a moment of passion, I'm already used to being called "Mutt".
Shorty, you obtuse sketchbag, we both know you're weaselling on those CDs. I distinctly - distinctly - hear you say that the second you heard she'd married Mutt, you threw all of her CDs (and your collector-edition colouring book...) into your fireplace and lit 'em up. With barbecue starter, not a Class B laser device...
I'm with Steve Earle on this one. Shania Twain = Country Porn.
And Minnie Pearl = Country Corn...
Aggie, you're one to be tossing the word "porn" around like it's a bad thing.
Coyote, I know you meant your remark about Ms Pearl to be insulting, but Minnie wouldn't have taken it that way. She was proud of her country farming roots.
As for the bonfire, I said I was burning my Shania Twain albums. I felt that it would be wrong for me to keep my photo collection after she chose another.
Even if I could have parted with her music, I wouldn't have tried to burn compact discs. Bad for the environment.
Ya tap-dance right purty, for a fella with giant feet and almost no legs to speak of...
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