Mis-Jive Meeting Minutes

ESIs Present at The Usual Place: 4th Dwarf , Coyote (crayons), Agatha, The Chair
ESIs Present at Not The Usual Place: (At First:) Conch Shell, the Independent Observer, Audrey. (Later:) The Chair, Coyote, Audrey.
Guests: Assorted others, distinguished in their fields.

Location: Not the Usual Place. Then The Usual Place. Then Not the Usual Place, again. It's complicated.

  • Coyote arrives at Not the Usual Place, and ascertains he is the only ESI on the premises. Even though he's late. While trying to snag a table on the terrace, he gets his tail stomped several times, twice by a snarky server-person bearing an eerie resemblance to Paris Hilton. Offended, he bites her on the ankle and flees, pursued by enthusastic wait-staff.

  • Coyote emerges precipitately onto onto Elgin Street, to find 4th Dwarf just coming up the sidewalk . They confer quickly re: ugly bouncers, crowded patios and absent ESIs, and, although lacking quorum, decide to repair to The Usual Place to let the heat die down and make a few calls.

  • They arrive. 4th Dwarf cadges quarters, on grounds that his interstellar communicator has been freaked by sunspots, and repairs to a phone booth to ask absent ESIs where the f*ck they've gotten to.

  • Quarters flow like water. Certain ESIs are contacted in person, and messages are left for those who are unavailable.

  • 4th Dwarf returns. Beverages are ordered.

  • Agatha arrives, trumpeting the advantages of shower caps on bicycle seats.

  • Those present decry the slow, painful death of the formerly-ubiquitous public telephone callbox, and the general run-down scuzziness of those that remain.

  • 4th Dwarf expounds on the virtues of the [redacted] coffee shop and the utility of the hotties therein for inciting hormonal flow, thus jolting him awake whilst studying for his extremely boring astrogation exams.

  • Agatha endorses this stratagem, saying that she hies herself to [redacted] in the Glebe when she gets mystery writer's block, to watch, um, stimulating people while she works.

  • Those present begin discussing relationships.

  • The Chair arrives, hours late.

  • Those already present very quickly cease discussing The Chair's relationship, and segue smoothly into something completely innocuous.

  • Dwarf cadges more quarters, and begins re-calling various venues and cellphones. He discovers that Conch Shell, the Independent Observer and Audrey, none of whom were answering their phones earlier, have apparently lucked into a prime table at Not The Usual Place. Watches are synchronised and times compared, and it is ascertained that they managed to do this mere seconds after Coyote got his furry butt ejected, and he and the Dwarf rolled off to The Usual Place. And that neither party managed to spot the other in the confusion. Coyote is justifiably embarrassed.

  • "Screw 'em," says Agatha. "This is the official meeting. We have quorum." General nods of agreement. Aggie always gets it right.

  • ESIs proceed to completely ignore the meeting agenda. It is rumoured that Conch Shell has adopted a pet bunny. Coyote is heartbroken that she's not there. Coyote loves bunnies. Especially young and tender ones ones of young and tender years.

  • As excited conversation about [redacted] heats up, Aggie begins to gesticulate wildly and nearly spills her pink gin on Coyote.

  • [redacted!]

  • Aggie, blushing only slightly, pays her bill and gracefully excuses herself.

  • With quorum broken, the meeting winds down. Dwarf, citing a previous engagement, buggers off to [redacted]

  • Figuring the bouncer's shifts must have changed by now, Coyote and the Chair head back up Elgin Street to Not the Usual Place, to see if they can find the Independent Observer and Conch Shell. And find out more about this bunny...

  • As they approach Not the Usual Place, Coyote and The Chair are greeted by Audrey, who informs them that Conch and the IO have already left with a small exploring party, to survey [redacted]. Coyote is heartbroken all over again.

  • Rapid exchange of descriptions of bouncers now present. Satisfied with their findings in this regard, Coyote, The Chair, and Audrey repair back into Not the Usual Place, but to a different section, where Coyote remains unrecognized. Fresh beverages are ordered. Relationships of all those no longer present are discussed. The Chair and Audrey, finding themselves famished by this, order a light supper. Coyote orders cheesecake to console himself. But it's not the same...

  • Oh yeah. The agenda. Final remaining ESIs totter off into the night, in the knowledge that we'll have to try to set up yet another meeting -- this time, one where everybody actually ends up in the same place -- if we're ever going to address the actual agenda.

    Conch Shell said...

    Okay, I now more fully understand how this splintering happened. But, you know, us ESI's really need to stick together. Renegade ESI's running around like anarchists blowing in the wind are a threat to our collective security. I think we should relay the facts again to the Chair, in person, and see who is to blame and which ESIs need to be disciplined.

    4th Dwarf said...

    So it's "discipline", y're lookin' for, Conchie?

    coyote said...

    I smell a bad whiff of species-specific profiling blowin' in that wind of which you speak, Conch. I just want to point out that I already took my lumps from those killjoy bouncers... and to add that if we're not some kinda anarchists, what the hell've we been up to for the past umpteen months? And why do Lana and Minty dislike us so...?

    coyote said...

    P.S. Oh. When ya gonna introduce me to this pet bunny of yours, Conch...?