2005-07-07

The story of M

M (not exactly as shown)So once again we get the $64,000 question from 5M:

Is M gay?

The case for M possibly being gay:

1. Former buddy that has come out
2. The sex thing (or lack thereof) with 5M
3. The kitty poop, clean freak thing (okay...so I'm stereotyping)
4. His general ambiguity about his direction in life (PhD? Medical Doctor? Why not throw in sexuality for good measure)
5. I can't think of a fifth example

Now, on the other hand:

1. He shows interest in ex-girlfriends
2. 5M can get jealous of his behaviour around other women (wandering eyes)
3. He has fooled around with women -- no evidence of men
4. He thought he'd be hooked up with a super-model by now
5. ...

Personally, I think he's straight. 5M may be of a certain ego that tries to rationalize why someone would not want to have sex with her. M being gay solves that problem for her.

18 comments:

coyote said...

Hi, Chair. I trust you're none the worse for all of the (ahem) analysis directed at you in the last few days.

Meanwhile, the muse quilts us a patchwork of gloom today. In keeping with that mood, I feel a need to send the Wag and Conch Shell wishes for safety in their respective journeys, wherever they find themselves.

To the business at hand: it's difficult to pin down her focus, but I think the significant signpost is when she writes of her disgust and impatience when messy people and creatures disappoint her expectations.

But with whom is she disgusted? This is is tricky.

I whiff self-loathing and doubt blowing off of that post. She thinks she's often chosen wrong, invested irreplaceable time backing the wrong relationships. And I begin to suspect that each time, she thinks she's betrayed herself, somehow, in not having chosen perfectly.

But as that noted Canadian philosopher, Michael J. Fox, says on Page 15 of today's Metro:
"I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for; perfection is (a) god's business..."

Words to the wise. Friends (and kittens) are what they are.

Agatha said...

Or,he could be asexual, as the 5M has suggested many times. There is a whole asexual community out there that M should consider joining. They refer to non-asexual people as "the sexuals".

The Independent Alvina Ruprecht Observer said...

Alvina: Is M gay? I don't think so, Anthony. We all know that men who enjoy musical theatre are probably gayer than a dish of rosemary-scented pot pourri. And M is no fan of the dramatic delight -- an inventive revival of Cats -- unfolding before him in the 5M's foil-lined apartment.

Anthony: Isn't that exciting.

Alvina: Anthony, this production features a most intriguing cast. Our star is the 5M, a nice girl in the Canadian capital muddling through academics, writing, and dating life. But she's bored, frustrated, maybe a little lonely. So she becomes a foster mother to a clutch of four-week-old kittens. Her brood includes Kali, the active and adventurous calico. Sweetie the attention-seeker. Timid tiger Blue. And quiet little Connor. And of course M, our heroine's indifferent suitor.

Anthony: (Yawns). I could've sworn I asked Halle to get me some coffee. Oh, right, she fled the morning show in terror.

Alvina: Anthony, this production is equal parts comedy and tragedy. The 5M's furry new friends are emblematic of her desire for unconditional affection. But it seems M is turning up his nose at the cuddly kitties. So the 5M, or at least her choice of pets, is being rejected. A familiar theme with M. What happens next? I won't spoil the ending for you Anthony. Because I just know you'll be there on opening night.

Anthony: Thanks Alvina. I can hardly wait.

Agatha said...

Anthony, I thought we talked about you not being welcome on the metablog...Alvina, darling, always a delight to see you.

coyote said...

Highly entertaining recap, TIARO; I think we all may agree that 5M's none-too-subtle slur of M is, at root, way more about her frustration than his sexuality. Or lack thereof, Agatha.

However, the two are obviously linked. If 5M and M had, all along, been making it like crazed weasels, then 5M may never have issue her declaration of breakup. Or if she had, her post-breakup frustration would be of an entirely different nature.

(For deeper explication of the utterly charming 'weasel' reference please see the pre-Simpsons Matt Groening's Life in Hell comic series, which, come to think of it, should possibly be placed on the required reading list for ESIs and Muses alike. Or, ya could just talk to your friendly neighbourhood coyote. Plenty of crazed weasels out here... Shit. I digress. Again.)

The question is whether these fine specimens of low-level dysfunction have really broken up at all. What's changed here? They still hang out a whole bunch. They still don't have sex. This is still what the pop shrinks label an emotional affair. Perfect for M, because no sex is involved. Not so good for our increasingly frustrated, and snippish, muse. And dangerously evocative of the classic 'Darby and Joan' relationship, in which the partners appear to hate each other, but are nevertheless permanently fused at the hip. Sorta like Siamese twins who are trying to kill each other, but with undertones of love. This can't be healthy.

So, having allegedly blown off this so-called relationship weeks ago, why's she still bothering? She talks about taking action. On smaller issues, like those delicious-sounding kitties, she actually acts. But on this, apparently the overriding issue in her life, she does nothing. Why all the hand-wringing and sexual slurrage, if she ain't gonna do anything?

4th Dwarf said...

Don't 5M and M kind of remind you of the Ropers from Three's Company? Mr. Roper always leering at Janet and Chrissy, Mrs. Roper always making comments about sexual disatisfaction?

Only instead of separate beds or separate bedrooms, they have separate apartments.

The Chair said...

May I remind fellow ESI'ers about the Heisenberg Directive and that one needs to carefully choose the links they post. You know who you are.

The Chair said...

Okay, enough of being the heavy. Back to the content. Of particular interest, noted by Coyote, is the 5M's comment:

How do I make sense of my own missteps? How do I reconcile the feelings of disgust I feel when confronted with someone I thought I could care about?

I'm speculating she is referring to the recent encounter with "C" in that post. I don't think she necessarily feels disgust with M. Disappointment, yes.

She sure harbours a lot of resentment. That's not healthy. Self-loathing and resentment usually travel in the same company.

Agatha said...

She continues to be haunted by that ugly Accutane incident, doesn't she?

4th Dwarf said...

I'm glad you picked up on that, Chair. I thought of the "C" sighting, but wondered if she could have been referring to the poet.

4th Dwarf said...

But yes, the Accutane incident. Now that was messy.

Agatha said...

Mr. Roper was definitely on the gay end of the continuum, was he not? I always assumed that the leering at the girls was his way of pissing off Mrs. Roper.

Independent Bin Laden said...

The time has come for the revenge on the crusading Zionist, “M”. Praise be Allah in granting a merciless destruction to all that is “C”. May the heroic Mujahedeen carry out blessed raids in Javaland and Yogaworld. The infidel, Kuz’witch is now burning with fear, terror and fright from the north to the south, east and west.

The Independent Observer said...

First off, for the record, the abovementioned IBL is not affiliated with the IO.

Second, the Chair's absence is finally explained:

By Carolyn Grant
Cranbrook Daily Townsman

KIMBERLEY, B.C. _ The Kimberley International Oldtime Accordion Championships stepped into the Guinness Book of Records when 644 accordions jumped into the opening bars of the Snow Waltz.
The previous record was in 2000 in the Netherlands when 566 musicians played for 23 minutes.
Jean Irvin, chairwoman of the championships, counted the musicians as they began filing into the arena Thursday.
The capacity crowd cheered as the number passed 532, then 542. The countdown began _10, nine, eight _ and the cheers grew louder.
When the call went out for more chairs for the musicians, the crowd knew the record would fall.
With the help of several players on stage and in the aisles playing towards them, the record-breaking accordionists began in time and kept it up for over 30 minutes, as they moved from the Snow Waltz, through On Top of Old Smokey, Golden Slippers and other accordion favourites.
Sheet music for the record attempt had been posted on the event’s website all year, so everyone was well rehearsed.
The players came from many provinces, states and countries _ including the Ukraine, Australia and Scotland.
It was estimated that there was over $1 million worth of accordions in the orchestra, with the average instrument worth about $1,000 and many worth more than that.
The challenge for the musicians will be to keep the record.
Jean Hewson, Newfoundland Folk Arts Council president, is looking to set a record for the world’s largest accordion ensemble at the Newfoundland and Labrador Folk Festival next month.

Corrie said...

Well, well, well...
I'm back, via a path OVER a certain disrupted and scary major Euro city -- but not, thankfully, through it.
Now delightedly ensconced in my own place before my own English-arranged keyboard, I can finally view the GORGEOUS Agatha. Wow, that's some lift, tuck and dye job. You continue to go, girl.

Coyote * thank you for your Zen-waves of safe-wishes. Mighty effective considering they emit from a coyote-brain, which, you MUST admit, is somewhat overly-focussed upon what's next for dinner -- yummy little kitties, or soupcon of prairie-dog, perhaps?

Chair * so glad you're back. So glad you're enforcing Heisenberg, you toughie, you.

Coyote and Chair * I SO agree with your comments about the fear and loathing emanating from the 5M site. What's with that, anyway?

Dwarf * what can I say?

And last, but not least, Conch * regale us with your adventures...

Agatha said...

Wag, you forgot to acknowledge the chameleon-like, IO.

Corrie said...

Indeed, indeed. Let's face it, he's SO chameleon-like, I obviously have subconsciously denied myself any speculation as to his identity. Talk about burying one's personality DEEPLY....
Actually, in truth, I'm so frggin' jet-lagged, I can't see straight...or, apparently, remember all the members!

The Independent Chameleon Observer said...

Thanks, Agatha. You might remember me from such commercials as those cheeky ads for T*lus. Rest assured, I have seen the future and it is indeed friendly.