What in the name of God is going on with Tom Cruise?

So, we've exhausted the Hallie Cottnam vacation story, and 4th Dwarf has landed himself a spot on the CBC stalker list. 4th Dwarf is also busy doing research on lavalife with hopes of identifying the blissfully single M. Coyote seems to be in spring hibernation mode, even though it is mating season. The Chair is busy surveying the London Cams. The 5M is alone and bored in London, Ontario, and writing a novella. Meanwhile, Tom Cruise seems to be displaying some very odd behaviour. We know that he is a scientologist, and that those folks can be wierdos, but what's with the jumping up and down on Oprah's couch? What's with the extravagant proclamations of his love for that little teenager he's dating--and women, in general? And why is he dissing poor, post-partum depressed, Brooke Shields? Tom Cruise.


4th Dwarf said...

According to IMDB.COM, Ms. Holmes is 26 (27 in December).

Mr. Cruise is 42 (43 in July).

42/2+7=28 > 26

Unless Ms. Holmes is remarkably tall or has a child we don't know about, and please, Chair, correct me if I'm wrong, this relationship would be "creepy".

The Chair said...

It is indeed creepy, however, if Tom can hang on to her for 4 more years, it will exit the Bill Wyman zone.

Of course, it's all moot, since we know she's just a beard anyway.

4th Dwarf said...

Now, back to 5M.

Just finished the archives for October 2004.

If anyone runs into the lcp this weekend, you might suggest he read Saturday, October 16, 2004, she comments on C, a love interest who didn't work out:

Should I say ... you are just too damned soft for me? No! I can't! That's terrible...

...I need to be with someone who meets my intensity and who is assertive and passionate

5M reminds me of our ethics consultant.

coyote said...

Mating season? Really? How did I miss that?

None of Mr. Cruise's behaviour, taken case by case, seems to qualify him for the extremes of the 'middle-aged crazy' category. But the story at the other end of your link seems to present a fairly damning body of evidence, taken as a whole. And, well, okay, all nuts stuff surrounding Katie takes him off the scale.

I guess half of the traditional middle-aged crazy outlet formula -- the red convertible -- is something that Tom is rich enough to have indulged at any point in his adult life. The other half of the equation is, of course, the divorce. Been there, done that. (Tom, I mean) He's been single for a couple of years. One would've thought he'd get all of this quasi-teenage-hormonal crap out of his system sooner.

And, alternately, if Katie's a beard, as the chair suggests, I'm wondering whether she's a willing or an unwilling accomplice? Mr. Cruise's got a heck of a track record for short-term relationships with good-looking brunettes, of late. Ya'd think word of that kind would get around.

Agatha said...

4th Dwarf, would you like to elaborate on your issue with the October 2004 entry and how this information could be useful to the lcp? I feel like I'm missing something here. Where is Conch Shell when I need her?

4th Dwarf said...

I haven't got to the part where 5M breaks up with C, so I don't know what went wrong. But where I am now...

M did his own thing. Did what he wanted to do, went where he wanted to go. If 5M went along, he was okay with that usually. If he felt like tailgating and she didn't, too bad.

Then she's with C. It seems C is ready to do whatever 5M wants. Try yoga? Sure. He even did darn well at it on his first try. Go for coffee after with an unpleasant M? Sure.

But at this point in my reading, 5M feels that C is too soft. Not assertive enough for her.

Reminds me of this time I was trying to woo a cute elf and also trying to break out of an old pattern of being fussy about restaurants and always having an opinion about where to go. So I said, "anywhere is fine with me."

"This isn't going to work," said the Elf. "I can't be making all the decisions."

4th Dwarf said...

And we all need Conch Shell back.

Agatha said...

I believe the 5M is misusing the terms "hard" and "soft", which seems to be causing some confusion, anxiety and misinterpretation. As we've known for some time, the 5M is stuck in a dualistic thinking rut. What she's calling "soft"(C) here, I would call a cold fish.
C left me cold. What's she's calling "hard"(M), I would call a jerk. It's not about "power and decision-making", as she was pontificating in Gatineau Park. It's about heat. I'm sure Conch Shell would back me up on this one.

4th Dwarf said...

So, Agatha, let me see if I've got this. It's about heat. And heat is passion, chemistry, showing feeling?

But making extravagant proclamations of love is weird.

Am I getting this right?

As for 5M, I'm taking the lack of postings to be a good sign. She's hooked up with someone or some people to hang out with at the conference and she's not lonely anymore.

Back in my days in the Treasure Map Society, I went to a few international conferences and the first day could be lonely, but usually at the mead and curd party after the opening plenary, I'd find a similar soul or two to share jokes with.

Agatha said...

Fire needs fuel, air and heat to survive, does it not? A load of hot air does not mean there is anything burning.

4th Dwarf said...

Rightly said, Dame Agatha. Once again, physics rules.