Ode to beavers

Who could ever forget the Elgin Street Irregulars' historic, heady foray into the (very likely lucrative, if we'd ever actually winched our notoriously incoherent act together...) BeaverBalls™ biz?

Yup, we've long reserved a warm spot for Castor canadensis and his charming, if strange, habits. Such as (allegedly) eating his own testicles when threatened.

So, it is with a certain, ummm, proprietorial disdain that we tee off to trash conservatory senator Nicole Eaton's (ev)ill-conceived proposal to replace Our Illustrious National Rodent with some polar bear.

If beavers were ever to actually chew off their own business to spit at somebody, they might wish to begin with Ms. Eaton.

Her cover story is that the Beav is a "dentally defective rat". We need barely slow down to point out that slagging rats places her in the position of badmouthing many sitting members of her party, before hitting the gas to note that the more plausible reason for her libel of our furry pal is that, while he's claimed squatters' rights to the national identity for centuries, he was only officially installed in 1975. Under, you guessed it, Pierre Trudeau's Liberals.

It takes no genius to see that the focus of the Harper Government™®© since gaining its coveted strong stable majority™®© ain't so much the stupid economy as tearing down, stomping, burning, shooting and pissing on any and all things liberal. And calling it nation building. ™®©.

So despite the senator's cutesy persiflage, we can, ummm, probably agree that this is one more case of these guys' systematic scorched-liberal policy, as they try to replace all those inconvenient decades of collective national memory with (yet more) crap, artfully spin-doctored from the whole cloth.

Do I have to stoop to quoting literary classics, like some intellectually-bankrupt Ottawa Citizen columnist? Yes? Crap. Okay:

"If all others accepted the lie which the Party imposed—if all records told the same tale—then the lie passed into history and became truth. 'Who controls the past' ran the Party slogan, 'controls the future: who controls the present controls the past."
You already know the book. Oh, never mind. I digress
Base image: Wikimedia Commons


dp said...

Canada was partly built by Europeans who came over to buy the pelts of slaughtered beavers to sell profitably to hatmakers across the Atlantic.

Now, Canadians are focused on driving the polar bear to extinction by digging up an unlimited amount of oil to sell to the Americans and anyone else we can pipe the stuff to.

Odd how our 'national animals' are generally to be found in the national crosshairs.

4th Dwarf said...

Thank you, dp,

Now I understand why the author of this post was not advocating for the adoption of the coyote as our national symbol.

coyote said...

Oops. Busted...!

dp said...

Animals intent on comfort and survival should do as much as possible to avoid the attention of human beings.

coyote said...

Duly noted, dp.

But us coyotes, even at our sassiest, are probably safe. Have you seen our hit counter...?