Ask your doctor

All these Viagra and Cialis commercials make me think there are perhaps two, maybe three, men in our great Dominion, able to get an erection. Yes, if the frequency, tone and urgency of the ads are to be believed, in the words of the incomparable Moe Berg, almost all men, with few and valiant exceptions worthy of the Order of Canada, just can't seem to get it up.

All of which made me wonder if there is a drug available for the opposite condition. Yes, I seek the anti-Viagra. The pill or potion that smites desire and keeps it passive and subservient.

A quick online search turned up several possibilities: Marriage. Salt peter. Fathering a child. Curlers, beauty mask cream, a cigarette, bottle of tequila, frumpy nightgown, granny panties, or furry bunny slippers. Or a bunny wearing furry granny panties.

And for the women: A picture of Dom Deluise. Men that wear socks in bed, leave the bathroom sink in a mess, fail to put the seat down, don't cut toenails, or do and leave them on the floor.

Doctor Phil, where are you when we truly need you?