2008-04-19

Other Things That Larry Did Not Do This Past Week1

People are making a big fuss over the mayor wanting to erase a recording. But let's all remember, he did not actually erase it. No harm, no foul, right? And there are a lot of other bad things he did not do this week, for example, he did not:

  1. Taser or threaten to taser somebody's son [* *]
  2. Unleash emus on an unsuspecting village in Eastern Ontario [*]
  3. Induce miscarriages as an art project after artificially inseminating himself [* *]
  4. Give a young wife that he's never slept with 30 days to move out of her apartment. [*]
  5. [there is no fifth thing]
  6. Consistently arrive late for practices and reportedly party in nightclubs and thus lose the season for the Senators [*]
  7. Kill a baby seal
  8. Protest the hunting of baby seals [*]
  9. Create huge fund-raising debt by appearing nude in a calendar that sold poorly [*]
  10. Tow away a repossessed car with a sleeping child inside [*]
  11. Cut a henchman's brake cables to distract a superhero while he commits another crime

While we're on the topic of erasing things, in the old days, we used to carry big magnets to erase audio and videotape. Magnets might not work on the new chips they use, but what about a taser?



1 As far as we know.

6 comments:

zoom said...

You're right Dwarfie, we don't give the mayor enough credit for the things he hasn't done. All in all, he's had an exceptionally good week.

coyote said...

Yeah. If it weren't for them gosh-darn media accentuating the negative, 'stead of just sticking to the grip-and-grin photos the way old Lexy keeps telling 'em to, life in the big city would be just peachy...

zoom said...

If only the media could be persuaded to delete everything he's said so far, and make up some smart stuff to replace it.

(Peachy peaches there coyote.)

Seventh Heathen said...

First the Senators underachieve. Then we fell short of a record snowfall. Now our resident supervillain is unable to compete.

Isn't there anything a capital-dweller can be proud of?

coyote said...

How 'bout chip wagons...?

4th Dwarf said...

Actually, Coyote, a number of Eastern Ontario towns have us beat on chip wagons. In some places they actually drive up to your door on a daily basis.

But we do have the world's shortest 7.8km skating rink.