Buckyblog #2: too cute by half
posted by coyote
Huh. Apparently, kittyblogging has strict rules. Who knew? Since the Short Guy, in addition to being a hairball expert - he's one himself - is also a tiresome pedant, I have no reason to doubt him. Speaking of hairballs, you should see the size of them! Huge, sploogey tan and brown things, covered in cat spit and splattered all over the antique cream broadloom! (We coyotes keep a very retro-stylish den...) Yucko!
I would've asked Aggie what to do about them, followed her advice, then reported the amusing results, but an urgent matter has arisen. Note the calculating expression on Bucky's puss: It comes to my attention that all cats are members of a fiendishly well-organized cabal dedicated to taking over the world. They infiltrate people's homes, weasel their nefarious tunaheaded ways into positions of trust, suck the air out of their alleged owners' lungs until they can't think straight (Various Zoom postings and comments passim) then run the world by proxy whilst their hosts are weakened and suggestable.
But they want more. And they have the means to do it. Read this carefully, and don't let your cat see you when you do it: Every cat in the world is in constant extrasensory communication with every other cat. It's a maleficent feline group brain, dedicated to total domination. When they're ready, they'll pounce, take over the world, and likely snack on your cold, dead fingers as an afterthought. They're determined, cunning, organized, and very, very good. Look at the evidence: innocent coyotes are being chased out of Greely and Richmond as we speak! Coincidence?
The good news, is that you can fight back. If you have an ounce of spine left, break out the tinfoil and start making hats. No, no, no, not for you, you oxygen-deprived fool, for your cat. Slap one of them suckers onto a furline and it'll cut off all group-mind brainwaves instantly. Oh, even then, it'll still try to play the cuteness card. Resist! Don't let your cat doff its tinfoil hat! Your future depends on it...
Labels:
creepiness,
doom,
Dysfunction,
Kitties,
secrets,
Useful Tips
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9 comments:
C-Dog, you are really onto something here and opening up our blog to whole new demographics.
A cats = evil thread can bring in both the cat lovers and the cat haters. Plus the conspiriacy theorists will want to weigh in.
There is also an excellent opportunity for you to bring in the crafters if you could show us exactly how to make foil cats for kitties.
Instructables has a useful guide for people-sized foil hats, but nothing for kitties.
Questions:
a) Do we have to cover the ears?
b) Would it be a good idea to knit a hat and line it with foil (do you see where I'm going with this one?)
c) Straps? Pompoms? Little bells?
Sprinkle a little catnip (Nepeta curviflora) around the house during a full moon, say my name three times, and voila!... you will have control over the little pesky, communicative felines... Click on my name and see what I mean...
Coyote, they taste yummy with a little garlic, olive oil and balsamic vinegar...
Yes, on that theme, I'm intrigued by your earlier comment that you might cook with cats, though not sleep with them. I suggest some coconut milk, ginger, lemon grass, etc., resulting in a yummy Thai dish.
I'm not sure you people are clear on the concept of cat blogging...
Not clear? How do you mean, Zoom?
Is it about the spicing details? I think I know what you're saying, nobody reads a recipe blog.
You're my friends, so I must warn you. You really don't want to alienate the cat people. They make up a huge layer of the blogosphere (can you name three catless bloggers?), and they can be mean when provoked.
You don't have to look any further than your own dear Aggie, whose cat was recently hissed at by some beer-foam blowing freak. She was able to look beyond the foam-blowing, which was aimed at a woman, but drew the line at hissing in the cat's general direction. I shudder to think how that story would have ended if he'd then started talking about coconut milk and ginger.
I'm right behind you, Zoom. About to call an Emergency Meeting, in fact.
Cool! Bring your cat.
Hee hee. This is one ESI meeting I will want to attend!
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