Man, I feel like (telling) a woman

An intimate reflection from Audrey

I have noticed that, recently, I have had some very deep conversations with men.

They have frequently taken place at the Usual Spot. They have also taken place at small dinner parties (including my own), hockey parties in private homes and bars (Go Sens Go!), and even at weddings (esp. while eating yummy Greek food).

As well, I have had these conversations during vacations in Europe with friends, in e-mail messages, and on the phone.

It seems that, these days, my male friends and I are always cautioning each other, don't blog this, before launching into a detailed story. We seem to be opening up more to each other. It seems that we suddenly all know about each others' salaries and mortgages and love lives and, unfortunately, angst.

In the past, only my boyfriends would have intimate discussions with me. They would tell me of the girlfriend who left them for their best friend, of the father who beat them, of the impact on them when their parents divorced or when one of their parents passed away suddenly, of their financial and career worries.

My other male friends would discuss romances, family, work, and money, but only on a very general level. (My women friends and I have always had these intimate conversations - especially when we have been trying to figure out men!)

However, now my eyes have been opened to the fact that men worry about the same things that my women friends and I worry about!

Men worry about:
1. Why a love interest only wants to be friends with them;
2. How they should treat a love interest if that love interest is already in a relationship, but if there is undeniable chemistry between them;
3. What are the appropriate levels of intimacy with a love interest;
4. How long they should stay in their present job.
5. How to dress well, without appearing to have made any effort;
6. How to take care of friends and family members who are going through a tough time;
7. If they should rent or buy. And, if they wish to buy, should they buy a family-sized house if they are single;
8. If they should have children, get married, settle down;
9. What is the best way to live a meaningful life; and
10. How to get over a broken heart.

Have I changed, or have men?


A. & J. said...

Hmm. I have no idea, I've never met you before. :P

I've heard a rumour, that men in Ottawa are more interested in marrying and buying houses young.

I know men in Toronto, it's the last thing on their minds.

Have you moved cities?

coyote said...

Often, the things that people will talk with you about depend on what you're putting out there yourself -- verbal and nonverbal. Could it be that you've experienced a shift in your own cosmos recently, that prompts people to relate to you a bit differently...?

Just askin'.

Aggie said...

It is interesting, IO, that both comments so far have made this all about you, when you were simply doing your Independent Observer thing and reporting Audrey's latest observations.

Aggie said...

Or, perhaps they are making it all about Audrey. I can't tell. Anyway, there is some kind of meta-meaning-making going on that I am not following.

coyote said...

Ummm, I think we both took it as read, that Audrey wrote it and that the IO was kind enough to post it for her. A mere vessel as it were. Meta-meaning-making anyway, when you've got all of these darned layers of reality to sift through...

Audrey said...

a. & j.: No, I have not moved lately. Yes, you're right, the young men in Ottawa do seem to marry and buy property in their 20s. I don't know why!

coyote: Have you noticed me being different? I don't think I have changed at all!

aggie and coyote: Yes, the IO kindly posted my entry!

Aggie said...

Audrey: If men have indeed changed, do you view this as a positive development? Or, are you concerned about men worrying about the same things women do? Could it be that we are more comfortable with them worrying about sports, their dicks, and such?

coyote said...

Hmmm. So you were never really asking if you'd changed? You're asking us to comment on the likelihood of all men having changed while you have not? I just want to be clear on what you're telling us, here....

Audrey said...

aggie: It is definitely a positive development! I would chalk it up to the male menopause, but these men are all much too young for that.

coyote: Actually, I was just wondering if other people had noticed a change in me!

coyote said...

You play a multi-layered and Byzantine game, ma'am...

The Independent Observer said...

As for the posting, yes, I sometimes play al-Jazeera to Audrey's Osama bin Laden, conveying her thoughts to a waiting world. Though Audrey's missives are usually a lot less threatening.