2007-10-18

Introducing Mumumelon

Okay, the business pages these past months have been full of stories about Canadian sportswear manufacturer/marketing powerhouse/success story Lululemon™: Lululemon™ founder sells out for a gazillion bux! Lululemon™ goes public with a monster IPO! And just yesterday: LuluLemon™ snags a former Starbux™ CFO for its board! Omigawd!

Lululemon™ purveys yoga wear featuring built-in "butt bras". These are purported to make any woman's ass look great. No, great!

Quibbles re: jawdropping prices, and non-yogis wearing the ultra-casual gear in inappropriate business & formal situations are summarily thrust aside by acolytes worshipping at the lululemon™ altar, because their asses look great. No, great!

There are, of course, flies in the lemonade. There always are. The trademark completely-synthetic nylon-spandex pants themselves are said to be prone to pilling faster than cheap 70s leisure suits. Hey, they're synthetic. The fashion police are starting to realize that fashion-impaired teens are stuffing themselves into low-rise lululemons™ five sizes too small, for that winsome plumbers' butt look. And (gasp!) obese people are buying and wearing lululemon™ stuff hoping the pants will whittle 10-odd cheeseburgers from their thighs. These poseurs are driving the brand's cachet downmarket. Unlike, say, all the poseurs I see every day, running around downtown, dressed in lululemons™ and carrying yoga mats™, but for some reason never actually attending any actual yoga™ classes.

But anytime life hands you a sackful of bagged-out, overstretched lululemons™, hey, it's a chance to make us some lemonade. I'm pretty sure no less an authority than Ann Landers herself said it.

So here's the scam: Aggie is becoming a crafter. Who sews quilts. Who is buying a sewing machine. Who can teach the ESIs to sew in conditions that, when we get up to speed, will echo East Asian sweatshops. All perfect for crafting stylish mu'umu'us. Ya heard it here first: Mumumelon™!!!!: exercise wear for all the people who shouldn't wear lululemon™. Given North American obesity rates, I'm pretty sure our target market ain't trivial. We are so going to make a killin'....

Muumuu Cam

5 comments:

URBAN PEDESTRIAN said...

Bwah-ha-ha. MuumuuMelon.Put me down for one in each colour.

There hasn't been anything quite as pretentious as LLL since the 1980's sweatband and legwarmers craze where everyone ran around trying to look like ballerinas.

BTW - you can buy butt bras (aka bit o' bum) at WalMart for like 10 bucks and wear them under anything.

Aggie said...

OMigod, Coyote. We are sooo on the same wavelength! I was JUST thinking that my first sewing project would be designing and making my own muumuu. It just seems like such....an empowering thing to do. Your branding idea is brilliant. We can make millions! We can have a men's muumuu line, and baby muumuus. I love it! I say we make them in flannel for the colder weather.

Steve said...

I'm typically a conservative dresser, but I love the freedom afforded by my muumuu. Could you make me 125 more?

zoom said...

Please tell me it's not too late to get in on the ground floor!

zoom said...

The moo-moo cam is priceless.