ESI: The Sock Puppet Movie

Anybody who dips into this chaotic little opus semi-regularly will remember that we've often referred to ESI: The Sock Puppet Movie as 'stalled in development'. So often, in fact, that we were thinking of renaming it that.

We haven't given up, but it's been hell, people. HELL! Stealing Audrey's favourite pink socks for cast costumes. Persuading Conch Shell to rewrite the umpteenth screen treatment. Hiring and firing script writers left, right and center. Trying to line up backers with actual money. Focussing the Independent Don Cherry Observer's lenses on a non-hockey topic. Setting up screen tests. Preventin' the Chair from taking advantage of the Casting Couch. Pryin' Aggie off Facebook, yet again. Gettin' a director's beret... stealin' it back from the Dwarf... cuttin' holes in it so my ears would fit. Doin' lunch 'till it's coming out of our ears. Explaining to Harmony that the mauled cat is lunch, then buying Gravol for her, earplugs for me, and grape Kool-Aid for the Canada Geese. It goes on and on.

Few investors out there seemed for awhile to want to drop their mad-money on the production values that this piece of cinema verite so richly deserves. Yet, perversely, we've had to beat off Brad & Angelina, Jen & Ben, Cameron & Drew, Tom & Katie, Ashton & Demi and even frickin' Paris -- and all of their agents, for gawdsakes-- when it leaked out that we were casting character voices.

Nevertheless! Rising from the chaos! At last! A very-high-quality test clip, based on the never-before-told, unexpurgated story of our adventures in the Caribbean! Only now, can we finally begin to tell you what really happened that night on the fateful three-hour cruise! The dark and lonely lost months afterward! The climb back to bloggy goodness on Elgin Street! Everybody's talking about it! The summer blockbuster of 2007! You can't afford to not to see this! Roger Ebert gives it four paws, straight up, and he hasn't even watched it yet!

('Kay, kiss-kiss mmmmm-wah! You look fabulous! Terrific Botox work! Love ya! Have your people call my people, and we'll do lunch at Hollywood's Number One restaurant sometime. I'll bring my own cat...)


bob said...

Uhhh... i gotta say i'm a little disappointed. If it wasn't for all that build up i probably wouldn't be either. Don't get me wrong, i'm glad i finally know what happened, but whose to say the directorb didn't grossly embelish the real story... "based on real life" stories are often pure fiction.

I will still watch the sequel though.

Harmony said...

Hey! It's the veritable brevity of the thing that makes it shine! Beautiful production "values:" shortness, tight script. Er...non-existent script. Congrats, ESIs!!!

coyote said...

Oy. Not even into theatrical release, and the critics are critiquing, already.

Bob, I'm gonna go with Shakespeare, who said, "Brevity is the soul of wit". Mind you, he wrote those words into Hamlet, which was not exactly a laff riot...