The Fenian Naming Machine

"We're here for an impromptu ceilidh," said this fellow in his charming brogue.
It appears our local Irish mafia have got a lock on the name for the Rideau Canal Foot Bridge. The "Corktown Bridge" may not seem poetical to sensitive ears like those of our friend Coyote, but the Irish managed to outflank both the anti-semitic mayor troops and the numerous but poorly-organized Somerset Street denizens at the latest meeting on the topic.

Look at the enormous and frightening mob they can assemble at a moment's notice!
I'd say the only way it won't get called the Corktown Bridge now is if the Senators win the Stanley Cup on a goal scored by their only player with an obviously Irish name: Chris Kelly.

Yes, they use young women in fancy costumes to advance their agenda.
I hope you all realize this is just the thin edge of the wedge. Coyote and I did some discreet reconaissance and our sources tell us the local Irish have plans to put their mark on every new project coming to this City and they even plan to rename a number of existing institutions, for example:

  • New Brown's Inlet storm drains: SewerDance!

  • New Music Venue on Elgin: The Play Something Irish You Bastards Concert Hall

  • Proposed Transit Viaduct: The Kiss Me I'm Irish Tunnel

  • Municipal Waste Site: If it's Not Celtic it's Carp Landfill

  • Ottawa's transit system: O'CTranspo

  • 80 Elgin Street: The James Patrick Whelan Building

Here you see their Corktown Bridge logo. Commissioned for $5000 from a topknotch graphic designer and rendered to look like it is the product of a grassroots community group.

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