2006-05-30

Personal Trainer Update 1: Olga not Carlos

So, I've begun working with my Personal Trainer (PT). When I arrived at the gym, Carlos was nowhere to be seen. Then, suddenly a large 60-something woman approached me and said, "Carlos will not be able to work with you. Madonna needs him to be with her on her current tour. I'm OLGA. I will be your Personal Trainer.

Then, Olga invited me to her office where I sat in a nice comfortable lazy-boy. I thought to myself-- "I guess this is not tooo bad, although it would be even better if I had a coffee in my hand and Carlos at my side. However, I tried to stay positive about this new experience.

First, Olga asked me some very pointed questions about what kind of exercise I'd been doing. It seemed all very pleasant and friendly for while. I told her I enjoyed walking with Conch Shell, that I did the occasional yoga class, that I walked from parking lots into buildings, etc..., that my bike had flat tires, but that if it were functioning, I would be out there with all those Ottawa fitness nuts on the canal.

I think this is when Olga started disliking my attitude. She said, "It's all very nice talking about this exercise stuff in an intellectual way as you're sitting in that comfortable chair, isn't it? Well--you know what? You're not ready to go into the gym. I'm not taking you there. You need to move your ass for the next 8 weeks, then I might consider it."

I became a bit defensive, again pointing out how much I loved walking with Conch Shell while chatting, and how we sometimes walked briskly. Then, Olga asked sharply, "Would you say your walks are fairly light or somewhat hard?"

I responded, "Definitely somewhat hard."

She snorted, "Your definition of somewhat hard is likely fairly light." Then, she wrote something down in her notebook. She looked up and said, "My dear, if you are able to talk to your friend while walking, you are not working very hard at all, are you?" Then, Olga proceeded to give me the following homework for the week:

1) get my old bicycle tuned up (She said it was good that I had an old bicycle because it would make me work harder).

2) buy a coffee maker - the kind that has a timer so I can set it the night before and wake up to the smell of coffee. (She said that she was certain that I was unable to function without coffee)

3) buy or find a gym bag and get some things to put in it, including antiperspirant (I guess I was sweating at that point...)

She said, "Just do the homework. I don't care about the exercise at this point." Then, Olga dismissed me from her office with a brusque, "See you next week."

6 comments:

coyote said...

Farewell, Carlos fantasy! Olga's got yer number!

However, I note that all of these assignments potentially involve shopping. Even if you're going to fix your own bicycle, you still may need to buy inner tubes. Perhaps this brusque personal trainer person is more simpatico than she appears at first glance....?

The Independent Observer said...

Aggie, this Olga woman seems like the lazy one in the equation. She's not doing much to help you at all. I think she needs to put the person back in personal trainer. Remember, it's all about you.

bob said...

Hi Aggie, i'm afraid in your best interest i have to take exception to olgas "recommendations":
1) is a good idea, get that old bike going, get some good non-impact excersise!!
2) nobody requires coffee to function - like any addiction/drug, in a perfect world it should be taken lightly as a treat!! Perhaps reward yourself after a nice long bikeride with a coffee. Coffee everyday/allthetime dumbs it down, makes it a requirement, and then you start drinking the crap you get at work and it turns your tummy green.
3) Antiperspirant is a hoax that actually produces more sweat than it stops, stick with deoderant, its better for you (no aluminum) and causes fewer adverse reactions.

To be honest, i don't think i trust this olga person one bit. I hope she proves me wrong...

coyote said...

Hmmm. Suppose the bicycle is aluminum. Will that cause adverse reactions? I ask in the spirit of scientific and naturopathic inquiry...

Agatha said...

Bob-I'm addicted to chocolate-covered expresso beans. Is that ok? My stomach may already be green...
I will try using deoderant for a few weeks, and perhaps my ESI friends can let me know if it is sufficient. I'm sure Coyote wouldn't mind if I were a bit gamey.

bob said...

Aluminum bicycle's are probably ok just so long as they aren't ingested. As for the chocolate covered espresso beans, i agree, they are tasty - they'd probably turn my stomach green, but thats just me. In moderation i'm sure they're fine, but it seems too much of anything will eventually catch up with you - so if you don't want bad things to happen, make them into a treat, and moderate!!! That is my remote scientific naturopathic opinion.